Today all I write for is swag. I pay the electric company with logoed T-shirts and swap brake manufacturer stickers for groceries. Swag has completely replaced the United States Dollar in my financial transactions. My wallet looks like an overstuffed armoire and I fill those Leave-a-Penny convenience store change holders with plumbing company plastic key fobs.
More than money, swag fills the void: I insulate walls with swag and burn it to make a fine garden fertilizer. When cooking, I substitute swag in all recipes that call for newt. I mark time by measuring the half-life of a rubber USB drive shaped like a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. I have over 1000 tiny jars of lemon sage Best Western hair conditioner that I plan on converting into diesel fuel someday.
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