ExNotes Movie Review: Men Are From Mars, Barbie Is From Mattel

By Joe Gresh

I had no interest in seeing the new Barbie movie; after all, I’m a boy. Dolls are for girls. We boys don’t play with dolls, we play with Action Figures which are completely different things…entirely. I started reading about a backlash to the movie, how it was anti-male and subversive to the natural order of things. I read demons made Barbie and if your kid watched it they would be swapping genders faster than you can pop the plastic, unborn fetus from Pregnant Midge’s® removable belly.

Settle down now, as I have some mansplaining to do here. I’ll try my best not to reveal too much of the Barbie plot. I must warn you that spoilers lie ahead so stop reading now if you’re going to the movie.

In my mind a subversive thing acts in subtle ways to upset the status quo. Under that definition Barbie is not subversive: It’s a sledgehammer and telegraphs its intentions so that there’s no confusion where the movie stands on a women’s place in today’s society. The opening scene of Barbie mimics 2001 A Space Odyssey’s monolith/monkey bit but instead of sticks and a large, mysterious block it’s a 50-foot tall Barbie and baby dolls. I imagine people who prefer traditional male/female roles will never make it past this first sequence.

Barbie lives in Barbieland, a place inhabited by universally beautiful women named Barbie and universally handsome men. Except for Allen. Women run Barbieland and the men (all named Ken) are merely decorative accessories who spend their time at the beach flexing. The cast represents many races and body types (but mostly thin and fit) and I suspect this blatant, utopian dreamscape won’t go over well with the one-drop-of-blood, you-will-not-replace-us crowd.

Barbie’s perfection begins to crack as a result of events in the real world. Instead of frozen in the high-heel position, her feet go flat. She develops cellulite. She contemplates her own mortality. That chick from SNL sends her off to sort things out. Barbie and Ken end up in the real world where Ken realizes for the first time that men control most of the levers of power. This is reinforced when Barbie meets the all-male corporate officers at Mattel. Hilarity ensues as Ken becomes Alpha-Ken and Barbie tries to find her real-world owner (it’s a long story).  Ken goes back to Barbieland and introduces the other Kens to horses, bandanas and giant trucks. Barbieland rapidly becomes a hyper-male version of the real world.

As usual, when men get involved, things get aggressive. There is a jealousy-war between two Ken factions fighting over the Barbies. In the end Barbie saves the day and Barbieland is restored. Barbie has to solve Ken’s mental issues as well (a woman’s work is never done). You’ll hear complaints about the emasculated men in Barbieland, but since neither Ken nor Barbie have sex organs it’s kind of moot.

I give kudos to the Mattel Corporation for having a sense of humor and allowing their name and corporate logos to be used in this movie. I’m sure there will be a backlash against Mattel as there is against any corporation that shows consideration towards others. The suits at Mattel made a shrewd move and are getting billions of dollars of free advertising from the Barbie media frenzy.

Look, at this politically polarized moment in time I can’t tell you how to feel about a woman-centric movie that has boy problems as one of its major themes. It may be that the patriarchy is so ingrained there is simply no way to avoid it. You’ll need to look inward to understand what triggers your feeling of lost or gained status. It’s just a movie.

Barbieland is painted in simple, bright pastels but real life is much more complicated and dull. There are many women who navigate the patriarchy with apparent ease, like my wife CT, although it may not be as easy as it looks for her. I’ll have to talk to her about her feelings on the subject one day. Maybe a day I’m not pouring concrete or looking at big tires for diesel trucks.

Some people might think the playing field is equal, that women have arrived and are treated as equals all the time. I’d say we’ve come a long way baby (stolen from Virginia Slims cigarettes), but being male, I would say that. Despite frequent setbacks, progress trends towards justice and this is where the Barbie movie succeeds. Barbie has even me talking about women and their lot in the world we have created. That’s progress. Does that make me Ken?

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