The Six Worst Moto Buddies

Oh boy oh boy oh boy…another listicle!  Our focus this time:  The six worst folks to bring along on a motorcycle ride.  Are you on this list?

Always Late

I can’t be around people who are late.  If we say we’re going to leave at 7:00 a.m., then be there at 6:45.  You know, in the Army we used to joke about the other services and their punctuality.  In the Army, 0800 meant you were ready to go at 0730.  In the Navy, it was something like 8 bells.  In the Air Force, 0800 meant, you know, eightish, give or take.  In the Marines, 8:00 a.m. meant Mickey’s big hand was on the 12 and his little hand was on the 8.

Hey, be on time.  Better yet, be early.  Buy a watch.  Don’t make other people wait.  Don’t be late.  Ever.

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Too-Long-To-Get-Ready Richard

You know the guy I’m talking about.  He’s the clown who takes 15 minutes to put his jacket, helmet, and gloves on.   It’s almost like he needs someone to help him put his gear on. If you suffer from that disease, I’ll ride with you one time.  Next time I’ll know better.

Rude Richard

I’ve ridden with a lot of folks on a lot of rides, and rides often involves stopping to eat.  One character flaw I won’t tolerate is rudeness to the folks who work in restaurants.  It’s just stupid, if you think about it.  Why would you demean people who handle your food?  But it goes beyond that…it makes me uncomfortable when another rider talks to the help like he’s a plantation owner.   Restaurant people work hard, and they’re doing the best they can (just like the rest of us).  One guy I rode with was a total horse’s ass, and to compound the felony, he wouldn’t leave a tip.  I did (for me and for him), and while he was still putzing around putting on his riding gear, I left without him.  For all I know, he’s still in that restaurant parking lot wondering where I went.  On this topic of rude, this excerpt from Lonesome Dove says it all.  Wait for Tommy Lee Jones’ last line.  It’s a classic.

The Peloton Weenie

I am particular about who I ride with, and basically, if I haven’t ridden with you before, I’m not going to.  Yeah, I’m old and I’m particular.  What lights my fuse is the guy who thinks he’s in a peloton (you know, that’s the deal where the bicyclists ride within inches of each other).  I don’t like people following me too closely, and I definitely don’t like anyone riding alongside me in my lane.  Back off, Bucko!

Never Brings Enough Money

I had a friend like this I went to jump school with at Fort Benning.  Let’s call him Dick.  Dick rolled into the Benning School for Boys with the rest of us and didn’t bring any money.  He was hitting us up at every stop to spot him a few bucks.  I finally asked Dick how he planned to get through the three weeks of Basic Airborne.  “I planned on borrowing,” Dick answered.  You know, we were basically kids then, so I suppose I should make allowances for that Dick’s behavior.  I can’t tolerate it in an adult.  But we see it on group rides sometimes.

Ricky Racer

You know the type…every ride is a race.   I won’t play that game, and if you want to slide through the canyons and pass on blind curves, that dot you see growing smaller and smaller in your review mirror is me, dude.

I don’t have anything against people who speed, unless they’re late, or they take too long to put their helmet and gloves on, or they’re rude, or they didn’t bring enough money for wherever we’re going, or they crowd me. If you want to treat every road like your own personal racetrack, you go on ahead. You ride your ride, and I’ll ride mine.

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Did you recognize any of your riding buds on this list?  Worse yet, did you see yourself in any of these description?

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