Oh boy oh boy oh boy…another listicle! Our focus this time: The six worst folks to bring along on a motorcycle ride. Are you on this list?
Always Late
I can’t be around people who are late. If we say we’re going to leave at 7:00 a.m., then be there at 6:45. You know, in the Army we used to joke about the other services and their punctuality. In the Army, 0800 meant you were ready to go at 0730. In the Navy, it was something like 8 bells. In the Air Force, 0800 meant, you know, eightish, give or take. In the Marines, 8:00 a.m. meant Mickey’s big hand was on the 12 and his little hand was on the 8.
Hey, be on time. Better yet, be early. Buy a watch. Don’t make other people wait. Don’t be late. Ever.
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Too-Long-To-Get-Ready Richard
You know the guy I’m talking about. He’s the clown who takes 15 minutes to put his jacket, helmet, and gloves on. It’s almost like he needs someone to help him put his gear on. If you suffer from that disease, I’ll ride with you one time. Next time I’ll know better.
Rude Richard
I’ve ridden with a lot of folks on a lot of rides, and rides often involves stopping to eat. One character flaw I won’t tolerate is rudeness to the folks who work in restaurants. It’s just stupid, if you think about it. Why would you demean people who handle your food? But it goes beyond that…it makes me uncomfortable when another rider talks to the help like he’s a plantation owner. Restaurant people work hard, and they’re doing the best they can (just like the rest of us). One guy I rode with was a total horse’s ass, and to compound the felony, he wouldn’t leave a tip. I did (for me and for him), and while he was still putzing around putting on his riding gear, I left without him. For all I know, he’s still in that restaurant parking lot wondering where I went. On this topic of rude, this excerpt from Lonesome Dove says it all. Wait for Tommy Lee Jones’ last line. It’s a classic.
The Peloton Weenie
I am particular about who I ride with, and basically, if I haven’t ridden with you before, I’m not going to. Yeah, I’m old and I’m particular. What lights my fuse is the guy who thinks he’s in a peloton (you know, that’s the deal where the bicyclists ride within inches of each other). I don’t like people following me too closely, and I definitely don’t like anyone riding alongside me in my lane. Back off, Bucko!
Never Brings Enough Money
I had a friend like this I went to jump school with at Fort Benning. Let’s call him Dick. Dick rolled into the Benning School for Boys with the rest of us and didn’t bring any money. He was hitting us up at every stop to spot him a few bucks. I finally asked Dick how he planned to get through the three weeks of Basic Airborne. “I planned on borrowing,” Dick answered. You know, we were basically kids then, so I suppose I should make allowances for that Dick’s behavior. I can’t tolerate it in an adult. But we see it on group rides sometimes.
Ricky Racer
You know the type…every ride is a race. I won’t play that game, and if you want to slide through the canyons and pass on blind curves, that dot you see growing smaller and smaller in your review mirror is me, dude.
I don’t have anything against people who speed, unless they’re late, or they take too long to put their helmet and gloves on, or they’re rude, or they didn’t bring enough money for wherever we’re going, or they crowd me. If you want to treat every road like your own personal racetrack, you go on ahead. You ride your ride, and I’ll ride mine.
Did you recognize any of your riding buds on this list? Worse yet, did you see yourself in any of these description?
Did you enjoy this listicle? Want more? Hey, they are right here!
And when you show up to the meeting point, be fully fueled. Nothing like getting the show on the road then having to pull into a gas station five minutes later because one guy has to fill up. And don’t get me started about the community gas pump where everyone uses the same hose, often dragging the hose across their bikes, then take turns paying. Many times I make an excuse, start early then meet at the destination. I prefer to ride alone or with only one, maybe two, trusted riders.
I need to go pee. Does Dad have to ask if everyone went ?
LOL..Riding fomr Ny up to the top of Mt Washington I once had a couple guuys, Niles and Bart, as well as my firned Jim following. It was about 48 degrees when we hit New Hampshire early in the morning, but Niles and Bart wanted to take their helmets off and ride free in New Hampshire! Niles also wante dot pound a monster drink at KSU in Y, again at the gas stop on the VT NH border and once i NH to take his helmet off. Soon later, I saw Niles and Bart with their left hands on the foreheads as they were both getting frozen brains. Niles was also doing teh pee pee dance on his bike. I eventually pulled over with a large open field on each side of the road. Niles ran up and said he had to pee, so I said go ahead. He said where?! I said anywhere you liek really. So he walked partway across the field, and becuase he could not make the other side pee’d there as cars drove by. Niles and Bart kept their helmets on the ablance of the ride. Niles also held off on energy drinks.
Ha, great article and spot on. Having led hundreds of group rides, I’ve seen a few what I call “Niles.” Niles is the guy who goes on a long ride with you, and when everyone hits the hay he stays up late drinking. The next morning as 8 of us are standing in rain gear in a light morning mist 10 minutes before KSU, we wait until he shows up 5 minutes after KSU time, then has to load his gear on his bike, don his riding gear and he is still drunk. He was sweep that day. Does it get worse? Sure, he goes to bed early at the end of that day to catch up, great. But the next day when I stop the group at a scenic overlook where a river in Canada drains into the St Lawrence Seaway about 200 miles north of the Sagueney Fjord he has to ride out onto the sand to ‘cross the little stream to get a pic on the other side.’ Lucky for him the beach sand was about axle deep on his loaded bike and stopped him before he hit the point where the sand went down at a 30 degree angle into the ‘stream’ that was about 50 feet wide and by my guess about 50 feet deep. I so would have enjoyed seing his bike sink away into the Atlantic Ocean. Although the 3 women riders on the adventure wanted to leave him there as they rode their bikes North to the End of the Road, I eventually suggesed he take off his heavy loaded panniers and the bike came right out. Of course after I led a successful 8600 mile 17 day ride across America with 3 of us Niles had to go and set off across Route 66. I had a planned ride, and rode the plan and got home wihtin 20 minues of the ride plan. Niles didn’t want to have a plan, he just wanted himself, his dad and his dads 2 friends, the road and nothing else. After leaving Chicago they had not gotten out of Illinois before his dads 2 friends couldn’t take the cigarette stop every 50 miles and they split. Niles and his dad did make it to LA, but they made it there 1 day before the 2 weeks was up with no time to ride back to NY. While sitting in a seedy coffee shop, his Dads rented Harley was stolen, Niles credit card was charged by Eagle Riders, thank you very much and they were stranded with no money (becuase why would Niles bring an extra credit card) until his wife bought them plane tickets and a bike transport company to send his yamahaha home. I guess Harleys are desierable, not so much full dressed Yamahahas. Last I heard Niles is quite Single. Ah, Niles was always the guy at gas stops to need the bathroom right at KSU, always needed that last cigarette. Once I had permission for a group of us to park in a Church parking lot, so we could dine in teh Mexicna restaurant next soter -there were 25 bikes this ride, so the large open lot on a Saturday made life easy. Niles took it upon himself on his new ADV bike to go and ride over the the grassy front lawn of the Church in circles. I almost tackled Niles off his bike that day. I did explain why he was an asshat, and I apologized to the Priest, he took it in stride and agreed some guys are not too with it upstairs. Some days you lead a horse to water, but he goes and kicks a hole in the water trough before drinking. That would be Niles. I don’t ride with Niles, or anyone like Niles anymore. Life is just too short.
These are just six of the many reasons I prefer to ride by myself. And they aren’t even in the top 10, truth be told.
I guess that the flip side of the coin is folks really don’t care to ride with me because I’m sort of a dick for not putting up with this sort of crapola.
Thus, there is balance in the universe.
I want to thank you Joe for helping me realize that I was slow getting suited up (ear plugs take extra time) and that I need to start early. I think I got better about that.
One rider I won’t tolerate is one who endangers me. On a Baja trip, riding near the back of the pack, with extra spacing, more single file than staggered, another rider comes flying past me, on the left, in my lane, even though there was no traffic in the other lane, startling me. I could have moved over into that wheel track without realizing that he was charging thru. At the next stop, when I discussed his passing and how unsafe I thought it was, he was unapologetic and thought it was no big deal (putting it mildly). I was glad when he left the group shortly after that.
I never noticed that you were slow suiting up, Dan.
That’s why I do not like to ride with more the 5 including me.
So there is a famous saying about “Lombardi Time” Vince was famous for busting his players who were not there 15 minutes before the appointed time. Had a boss that subscribed to that philosophy, so I was there 30 minutes before the schedule met waiting for him, pissed him off that I consistently beat him to the scheduled meeting….
I don’t mind waiting on other riders but after a few days I might strike out on my own. I’m trying to be a calmer person in life, enjoy the moment and not stress.
But I hate being the guy holding everyone up. I’d rather they just go on without me and I’ll catch up later or not at all.
It’s good for everyone to know the day’s destination so stragglers can rejoin the group.
i dont care that much about being late. a few minutes is no big deal. i ride to get away from rigid crap like schedules. thats all to a degree, but ten, fifteen minutes. not the end of the world.
the other points i am pretty much in agreement with.
Why I appreciate the SCMA: you always Ride Your Own Ride
There’s a route & a schedule, but no races (first to arrive is never noted), the Journey is the Destination. I know if Start time is 0800, and I arrive at 0815, I will ride alone to 1st checkpoint unless I’ve discussed it in advance with my friend(s), or I speed & catch up.
I’m not a morning person but I believe in punctuality, that your time is equally as valuable as mine. I was with a group one, all great riders I thought; on night three I told them take off without me in the morning (no problem buddy—see you at the check point tonight? Right? Yep, maybe get some dinner.) Everybody rode their own ride. One guy really pushed at the start, passing in the rain in a canyon. He signaled, he was good enough to do that comfortably—man I just woke up—I wasn’t pushing Experienced Riders Course skills at that hour. I relaxed in the morning, still leaving on schedule, but stopping to take a photo if I feel like it, or another cup of coffee. I take a very light lunch, and haul ass in the middle of the day unless it’s Death Valley, try to hit that at dawn or dusk.
Be safe, & do your thing! None of that passing in the same lane for me, either. Two friends leaving a bar in the city were talking& riding, not on Bluetooth, they collided, both died, at least give me my half the lane, stagger.