Geezy Rider

By Joe Berk

I like that title.  Geezy Rider.  It kind of says it all.  A close runner up was “You might be a geezer if…”

We haven’t blogged a listicle in a while and I thought it was time.   Sue and I like to entertain and we had three couples over for dinner recently.  Everyone was our age (which is a nice way of saying we are all geezers), we all came from similar backgrounds, we all have grandkids, and we all travel.  Those commonalities notwithstanding, the conversation centered on the same topic it always seems to center on these days when I’m with my geezer buddies:  Getting old.   Some of you might be thinking that you don’t want to read about old people, but you might already be one.  So how do you know?   Well, here we go.  You might be a geezer if:

You get senior discounts without asking.  When you do ask for the senior discount, no one asks to see your ID.  You sometimes find yourself thinking that 55 is too young to be considered a senior citizen.

A good night’s sleep is based on how many times you had to get up to take a leak, you wonder how in the world taking a leak on the side of the road ever became a sex crime, or you plan rides at least partly based on restroom locations.

You know more doctors than motorcycle dealers, and you have a different doctor for each organ in your body.  Sometimes you realize you can’t make a planned ride because you have a doctor’s appointment that day.

You look at other people at a motorcycle event and think they’re really old, and then you realize you’re the same age as they are.

You’re on a first name basis with the Costco people who give out free samples.

You can identify pills without seeing the bottle, a day on the bike is routinely preceded by a couple of Ibuprofens, and you have a pill container organized by day.  Forget penicillin; you know that Sildenafil and Tamsulosin are the true wonder drugs.

You no longer use a tail pack or have a sissy bar because it’s easier to get on and off your motorcycle.  You may have pondered where to attach a cane on your motorcycle.

You buy motorcycle clothes a couple of sizes larger because the damn manufacturers are making them smaller these days.  You buy riding gear with pockets big enough to hold baby wipes.  You substituted food for sex years ago and now you’re so fat you can’t get into your own pants.

You stopped worrying about helmet hair decades ago and when you get a haircut you find yourself thinking about the cost in terms of dollars per hair.  You haven’t carried a comb in decades.

You watch news shows based mostly on which ones you don’t shout at.

A motorcycle’s weight is more important to you than 0-to-60 or quarter-mile times.  You and your buddies talk about cholesterol, A1C, PSA levels, and medications instead of motorcycle performance specs.

When it’s time to change your oil, you think about where it’s going to hurt the next day because you have to get down on the floor to reach the drain plug.  Ibuprofen is a normal part of your oil change equipment.

You don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with a motorcycle in a handicap parking spot.

You don’t like to ride after dark and going to bed by 9:00 p.m. seems like a perfectly normal thing to do.

Easy Riders or The Great Escape is on TV, and you don’t even need to think about it.  You’re going to watch it again.

A new movie stars Clint Eastwood, you know you’re going to see it, and you don’t need to know what it is about to make that decision.

So there you have it:  My take on how to assess if you are a geezer.

Now get off my lawn.

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23 thoughts on “Geezy Rider”

  2. Good lord, i’m only 58, and I feel like you were talking about me!
    When the hell did I get old?

  4. Dang you are hitting 1000% with me…never thought I would live this old!
    Now I have check on my bike and think about maybe changing the oil…or just take it to the shop.

    1. I still do my own oil changes on the Enfield. I stopped doing the oil changes myself on my cars about 15 years ago; much easier just to get a shop to do it. I suppose when all vehicles are EVs we won’t have to do any.

  5. I take great pride I can still throw a leg over my bike with a tail pack. It does take more planning and concentration than it used to however. Don’t mean to brag here but I gots to tell somebody.

  6. I qualify on most of this list.
    At 72 I haven’t quite given up .
    But getting my leg over a bike , seat height and the weight of the machine has cramped my style.
    Keep the faith boys and girls !

    1. Wait til you hit 73. That’s when things really start to go south. You might consider buying a Chinese motorcycle.

      1. Well I am not actually 72 until a couple of weeks . And being that todays high was 21f , i will wait and see how I do. The outlook on my back is not great. But there is still some room for optimism.
        Chinese ? No.
        Indian? Maybe
        Thailand? Possibly
        EV? Never

        1. Not much difference at our age.

          A lot of what people think is British or Japanese is actually from Thailand.

  7. You forgot my favorite philosophy on age.

    Never bypass a urinal.
    Never take an erection for granted.
    And never, ever trust a fart!

  8. Thank you for the realistic portrayal. I am 80 and now ride an ebike. It is a poor excuse for a motorbike but it’s better than nothing.

  10. I laughed out loud at the head helmet photo, so loud that Angela had to see what I was laughing about. My Moto Guzzi V85TT is on the chopping block, but I am very happy with my MG V7. But most of your examples do not apply to me. Angela and I go dancing twice a week – contra, waltz, and ballroom, and hike or bicycle several times a week, weather premitting. I’m 76 and she is two years younger. I am planning a motorcycle trip from Colorado to Johnstown, PA, early June, three days each way. In late June, Moto Guzzi National Rally in John Day, Oregon, two days each way. I don’t have time to get old.

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