Spiders

By Joe Berk

I’ve always been afraid of (and morbidly curious about) spiders, so when Bobbie Surber posted the photo you see above of a spider in her Ecuadorean hotel room’s bathroom, it had my attention.  I don’t think I could stay in a hotel room where a spider like that put in an appearance.  I know I’m a big tough guy who rides motorcycles and made it through jump school in a prior life, but spiders creep me out.  I’m deathly afraid of the things.

Which doesn’t mean I’m going to pass up an opportunity to get a photo of one.  Baja John and I were rolling through Baja a decade and a half ago on our KLRs (I loved that motorcycle; it was one of the best I ever owned).  We were doing maybe doing 60 mph when I somehow spotted a tarantula creeping along the pavement’s edge.  I had to turn around and get a photo (it’s the one that sometimes graces the scrolling photo collection you see at the top of every ExNotes blog).  Baja John, being a curious sort, did a U-turn and parked his KLR by the side of the road, too. I had my old D200 Nikon with its first-gen 24-120 Nikon lens (not a good choice for a spider macro shot, but it did the job).

The KLRs of Baja John and yours truly stopped along the Transpeninsular Highway for an impromptu tarantula photo shoot.  Those KLRs were great bikes.
A Baja tarantula minding his (or her) own business.
Cover and concealment, tarantula-style.

Before you knew it, I was snapping away while Baja John and I were crouched down in front of the hairy thing.  The tarantula’s ostrich-like behavior was kind of funny.  It hunkered down with a weed over its six or eight (or whatever the number is) eyes, thinking because the weed covered its eyes it was concealed.  At least for a while.  Then it realized we were still there and it charged.  I’m not kidding.  The thing charged at us with startling speed.  Both of us did our best impersonation of Looney Tunes cartoon characters, our feet moving faster than we were, trying to run backwards from the crouched position, screaming like little girls.   We made it, and the spider scurried off to wherever it thought was a better spot.  Baja John and I, thoroughly adrenalized, laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants.

I’m an old fart who really doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what anybody thinks of me anymore, so I’ll tell you that I am scared of spiders on some basic, fundamental, hardwired-into-my-psyche level.  That said, I know that some of you younger guys who read ExNotes probably still worry about being perceived as tough macho men (you guys who haven’t achieved my level of self-awareness and acceptance yet).  Because of that, I’ll share with you a technique I’ve used for decades.   You know the deal…your significant other spots a spider, usually in the bathtub, and the job of sending it to the promised land naturally falls to you, the man.   You’re as scared as she is, but your ego won’t let you admit it.  There’s a spider there, and militant feminism be damned, it’s your job (as the man) to “get it.”

Here’s where the story turns to my other favorite topic:  Guns.  I’m helping you out here, guys.  Here’s an excuse to pick up another firearm.  You can thank me later.

What you need is a pellet pistol.  Preferably a manually-cocked model that doesn’t require a CO2 cartridge.  My weapon of choice is the Daisy 777 air pistol.  It’s a fantastic gun and it is quite accurate (I used to compete with one in bullseye air pistol competition, but I digress…back to the story at hand).

When your lovely significant other comes to you announcing a spider in the bathtub, choke down those feelings of fear, revulsion, and inadequacy. Here’s what you do:  Grab your air pistol.  Cock it, but (and this part is very important) do not put a pellet in the chamber.  While maintaining a firm grip on the weapon, point it at the offending arachnid with the muzzle approximately one inch away from your target.  Do not stand directly under the spider (for reasons that will become clear momentarily, this is also very important).  Take a deep breath, let it halfway out, and while maintaining focus on the front sight and proper sight alignment, gently squeeze (do not jerk) the trigger.  A high-speed jet of compressed air will  exit the muzzle, strike the spider, and break it up into legs, thorax, abdomen, and other body parts.  They will float to the ground and in most cases, the separate parts will continue twitching (adding to the excitement, the thrill of the hunt, and proof of your masculinity).  Mission accomplished, as old George W liked to say.  Your job (which was to “get it”) is done.   You can now turn to your sweetheart, smile, and ask her to clean it up.


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Life as a Digital Nomad: Part 6 (Ecuador)

By Mike Huber

Feeling confident that Quito, Ecuador would work out for the foreseeable future I wanted to begin absorbing the culture as I did in Nicaragua. One of the best ways of doing this was to begin taking Spanish lessons.  A great thing I learned about Ecuador almost instantly is they spoke Spanish much slower than in Central America, where I was frequently lost by the lightning speed with which they spoke.  This would be the perfect place to take lessons where I could retain and practice speaking Spanish constantly as I went about my daily routines.  Fortunately, there was an excellent Spanish school just two blocks from my aparthotel, so I could attend classes during lunch. It felt great taking steps towards integrating into this incredible culture.

I adjusted to a routine of work and Spanish lessons during the weekdays and on weekends I would explore local hikes and rainforests. I was almost at the base of Cotopaxi, which technically is the highest mountain in the world as it is on the equator and bulges out more than Mt. Everest (if you’re one of those rare people that believe the Earth is round).

With my weekday schedule and routine defined by Spanish classes and runs to increase my tolerance at the high elevation, I returned to being successful at my day job as a project manager.  Doing the best to conserve my vacation days for the next country (an upcoming blog will get into that adventure), weekends were the only time to explore the surrounding areas of Quito in more depth.  This, of course, had to include a trip to the equator.

The equator was just a short train ride from Quito.  I fully understood it would be a total tourist trap but where else would I have this opportunity to jump on both sides of the line like an idiot? It felt almost mandatory to do so.  When preparing to leave I saw an indigenous tour that brought you into the Andes mountains and included a 4-mile round trip hike.  As I boarded the bus figuring I would be solo on this trip, three Germans jumped into the bus reeking of BO with nothing but a tiny backpack they each held. As we were dropped off and began the hike into the Andes I began a conversation with one of them who didn’t have shoes.  It seems someone stole his shoes in Chile while playing soccer with some kids and he decided not to purchase another pair.  It was also interesting that the only items in his backpack were a machete, a journal book, and his passport.  I was instantly intrigued.  These guys were minimalists to another level.  Coming from me that is quite an extreme statement.

As we reached the summit of our hike there was an overlook that peered down into a small village in the valley of the Andes.  It was abundantly clear that time hadn’t touched or changed this hidden village.  As the guide ushered us in a half circle for him to sing and give thanks to all the beauty around us, the German I had befriended was fidgeting around and produced a marijuana joint and sparked it up while the guide was deep into his singing.  Although some would see this as very disrespectful the guide seemed to relish in the smoke that emitted from the joint. This German represented full freedom to me.  He was probably the most carefree person I have ever met in my life, and most of the people I surround myself with are pretty carefree, so this guy now has another title to add to minimalist in my eyes.

As my Quito adventure continued, I settled into a routine. One of my better work habits is writing a to-do list over the weekend for work tasks with dates.  This has helped me in not only my organization, but also in the prioritization of tasks to stay ahead of any deadlines my team or myself are responsible for.  Normally I write this list on a Friday afternoon when I am in good spirits and tend to over commit yet hold myself accountable for these deadlines.  With hiking most weekends in Quito and exploring I found myself not having written out my list and it was Sunday afternoon with no plans.

I chose to go to a dark Irish bar in the heart of Quito to write my list.  As I ordered a cold beer and began outlining my objectives for the week, I didn’t notice the bar became less and less crowded.  It was now about 4:30 PM and I was alone in the bar with three beautiful Ecuadorian females. The bartender began pulling the shades down and locking the doors.  With no idea where this was going, I thought I would order another beer before the bartender asked me to go home.  It seems in Quito if you are IN the bar when they close you can stay.  It didn’t take long for the Ecuadorians to invite me over and I quickly decided my task list was completed for the day. I was in love with Quito, Ecuador!

As the weeks flew by my time was filled with hiking, work, and immersing myself in the culture of this beautiful country I now called home.  My frustration with work problems melted away as soon as I left the aparthotel every afternoon to meet new friends and partake in all the activities throughout the city of Quito.

Entering Week 4 in Quito I began to feel in the groove enough to venture forward.  Although Ecuador has endless activities and places to explore, I was saving my vacation for the next country that I wanted to become even more immersed in.  There would be no coin toss for this next stop as my soul has yearned to visit this country for years.  Peru!


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Life as a Digital Nomad: Part 5 (Ecuador)

By Mike Huber

As the plane was race tracking to land in Quito, the capitol of Ecuador, I could see how large the city was and was reassured in the coin toss that had me choose this country.  This would be my third country to call home for the foreseeable future.

Having been in Panama and Nicaragua with such little luggage it was important to keep my packing to a minimum.  This wasn’t very difficult as the countries I had been visiting were tropical and very warm.  I was certain Ecuador would be the same, as Quito was on the equator.  Where could be warmer than the equator.  Well, it turns out a lot of places could be much warmer?  Quito was indeed on the equator but is also nestled in the Andean foothills at an elevation of around 10,000 feet above sea level.  To add to that it was August, so technically it was winter there (although the ambient temperature doesn’t fluctuate very much).

Quito is a beautiful city with even more beautiful people.  As the cab dropped me off, I was still over a mile from the Aparthotel I had booked for the next month.  The issue was it was Sunday and the roads all going into Mariscal Foch (the city center) were closed and open only for bicyclists. Since I had been running almost daily in Nicaragua and had dropped some weight, I slapped one backpack on my back and one on my front and thought I’d just get a nice run in as I made my way towards my Aparthotel.  This would help warm me up, too, since I was only in shorts and a t-shirt. That was another bad idea. I quickly learned that running at 10,000 feet elevation wiped me out quickly.  I think I made it 4 minutes before my hands were on my knees and the packs were sliding off my back.  This I am certain was quite a scene for the locals who were casually riding their bicycles up and down the main street staring at me as I felt like I was about to die.

Once arriving successfully to the Aparthotel I first confirmed the wi-fi to assure this location was suitable for my day job.  The connectivity worked great, but there was just one hitch. The wi-fi knocked you offline every 60 minutes.  To me this was a simple fix of logging off it before each conference call so that it wouldn’t force me off mid-stream during the calls.  That was easy enough and worked perfectly without any problems.

That photo at the top of this blog?  Every Friday night the police held a formation in the central square (Marisol Foch) and I would chat with the moto cops.  It was fun.

Once settled in Quito, a wave of relief fell over me knowing that I could relax and focus fully on work for the next month.  That was important as there had just been a reorganization and I had a new manager.  Three months into traveling through Central and now South America and still no one knew I was anywhere but Boston, nor did they ask.  I was fine with that and made it a point to keep it quiet, but not because I wasn’t performing. I was performing and at an elevated level, but I thought someone might be upset it they knew I was doing this and would put the kybosh on it.  I wasn’t about to let that happen, so I took steps (to include disabling my social media accounts to ensure my secret wouldn’t get out).  I had a peer who was trustworthy so I let him know just in case there was a volcanic eruption or political uprising so they could let my manager know that “Mike may not make it to work today.”  Of course, the chances of that were slim so it was time to settle into a productive routine.  I knew Ecuador might be my new home for longer than I had planned, and I had no problem with that at all.


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Ecuador’s Presidential Motorcycle Escort!

I wrote a book several years ago about police and military motorcycles, and I receive some interesting emails as a result.   Back in the 1990s, one of those emails was from Captain Jose Paredes Desiderio, who at that time headed Ecuador’s presidential motorcycle escort unit. Capitano Paredes sent this narrative and these great photos to me and I want to share them with you. The photos are awesome, especially the ones from the old days. The translation came from Google with a few minor tweaks by me. Captain Paredes, thank you very much!


My name is Jose Paredes Desiderio and I work in the Transit Commission of Guayas province (we are traffic police in the province of Guayas). I have the rank of captain and I am head of the Department of the Presidential Escort. I saw pictures of the motorcycle riders who have used different motorcycles of different brands worldwide and I am sending some photos to have so that you can know that my country ECUADOR has also used different brands of motorcycles. Here is a short history of the institution to which I belong.

The Transit Commission of Guayas Province purchased its first motorcycle for traffic control within the Province of Guayas.

You can see how the public admire Guayasense, a motorcyclist and Lord of the Transit Commission of Guayas Province at that time.

During the beginning 50 years, the Presidential Escort was established with the primary mission of escorting and providing security to the President and Vice-President of the Republic. They lit the alarm sirens, lights flashing resplendent in their motorcycles. The seated gentlemen guards were ordered in strategic caravans taking custody of the Presidential car with professionalism and responsibility.

We appreciate the members of the Presidential Escort’s professionalism and accountability. Here they are with His Excellency, Mr. President of the Republic of Ecuador, Dr. Jose Maria Velasco Ibarra.

Here we can see Vigilante Vicente Alvarado doing acrobatics and practicing on his motorized vehicle (motorcycle) at the start of the Training School of Presidential Escort.

In the 80 years of its existence the Transit Commission has renewed its fleet by acquiring brand new 750 cc Suzuki motorcycles, which were used for the Presidential Escort. Here we see Mr. Transit Chief Mayor Jorge Peñafiel Ball, and Mr. Sub Chief Transit Mayor Carlos Palacios Torres.

In the 1990s, the leading institution for transit renewed its fleet by acquiring 750 cc Honda motorcycles.

In gratitude for the performance of motorcyclists who were part of the Presidential Escort, the department received Harley Davidson Motorcycles.

Festivities in Juliana’s staff. Here is 92 years of motorcycle experience in the Presidential Escort to the President of the Republic Arch Sixto Durán Ballén, from left to right subway. Miguel Leon Czech Subway. Miguel Rosero Huacón, Sgt. Ely Lopez Duran and subway. José Paredes Desiderio (current head of the Department Presidential Escort).

In 2004, the Transit Commission of Guayas Province acquires new motorcycles for the department of the Presidential Escort. These are the 1150 cc BMW brand.

The Escort also received Suzuki Motorcycles of 500cc, which were acquired together with the BMW for the Department of the Presidential Escort CTG.

Here are Motorcyclists who took part in the caravan escorting Mr. Former President of the USA George Bush during his visit to the city of Guayaquil.

Here is the Head of Department (Cap. Jose Paredes Desiderio) planning with the class officers and gentlemen vigilant routes before a shift is going to escort some of the important people who visit the city of Guayaquil and Guayas Province.

This is the Staff of the Presidential Escort doing acrobatics on BMW motorcycles.

Like any other institution in the country and the world, women now form part of this great institution in the GUAYAS transit Commission. These beautiful and distinguished ladies who have the mystique and taste for wearing a uniform have the ability and skill to drive a motor vehicle, which has led them to join the select group of the Presidential Escort of the Province of Guayas.

At present I am trying to communicate with police elsewhere in the world who are interested in training with modern techniques and exchange knowledge. We ask them to share their his knowledge by writing to my mail (jparedesd@ctg.gov.ec). If any groups use Harley Davidson, BMW, Honda, Suzuki, etc. and would like to educate two members of this institution which I represent I ask you to contact me.


Wow, that’s quite a letter, and quite an impressive collection of vintage police motorcycle photographs.  Captain Paredes, thanks again!