You probably don’t see me as a TV junkie who could spend 60 hours in maybe three weeks watching all 60 episodes of a telenova, yet here I sit after doing exactly that. And I’m not ashamed to admit I enjoyed it immensely. The series is Bolivar, it is currently running on Netflix, and both Sue and I were hooked on it 10 minutes into the first episode.
Three different actors played Simon Bolivar at different stages in his life. It was confusing when they changed from one to another, but we caught on quickly.
I think what made it special for me were my two trips to Colombia, one about 15 years ago for work, and the other 5 years ago (Good Lord, has it been that long already?) for our Zongshen-mounted circumnavigation of the Andes Mountains. Bolivar was filmed entirely on location in Colombia, and having been there myself, I recognized many of the places in the series.
When we stayed at Villa de Leyva in Colombia, Juan and Carlos explained that it was often used as a filming location. While we we were there, a crew was filming a scene one evening. Juan told me that one of the actors was well known in South America. I didn’t know who she was at the time, but in watching Bolivar, I realized the woman I had seen that evening in Villa de Leyva was, in fact, the famous Colombian actress Andrea Gomez.
Andrea Gomez, who I saw in person in Villa de Leyva without realizing who she was.On a movie set in Villa de Leyva. Andrea Gomez would emerge seconds later, but I did not get a photo of her.An evening scene in Villa de Leyva. The Colombia ride was one of the great ones. I had a fabulous time.
The Colombia ride, as mentioned above, was not my first trip to Colombia. I had been there about 10 years before on a business trip and we spent a day in Cartagena. It was a fun trip, too. Here are a few photos from my 2006 trip.
A street scene in Cartagena. The photos almost take themselves.Colombia is known for its emeralds. The place is a photographer’s paradise.One more street scene in Cartagena. One of the amazing things about this city was the parrots. You see them like you see pigeons in a US city. They were everywhere. Cartegena is a city that explodes with color.
So there you have it. Bolivar, Colombia, and more. The Netflix series hit home for me, probably because I had visited Colombia, but even if you haven’t I think you’ll enjoy it. I’m lucky because I’ve been there, and because I always travel with a Nikon, I captured a bunch of digital memories on both trips.
Want to see more of Colombia from the seat of a motorcycle? Check out the Colombia adventure on our Epic Rides page!
Riding in a group is a lot like sex: Most of us think we’re better at it than we really are.
This blog focuses on how to play well with others on a group ride. It’s told from the perspective of a guy who has organized and led group rides (that would be me) and who has been a participant on group rides (that would also be me). You can have a lot of fun on a group ride and go places you might not otherwise go, like Seda in the photo above. Seda is a town that will take your breath away…it’s the largest Tibetan Buddhist school in the world, it took days to reach, and I would have never visited it had I not done so on a group ride. You can read all about that in Riding China.
Riding AKT Motos RS3 motorcycles in the Andes Mountains. This was a fabulous group ride organized by AKT Motos and my good buddies Juan and Carlos. The RS3 is a carbureted RX3. You can read that story in Moto Colombia.
I make a distinction between organized group rides and simply taking a ride with a buddy or two. This article is not about rides in that second category. In this blog, I’m describing organized rides with several riders, rides that are usually put together by a club, a dealership, and on occasion, by a manufacturer (like the ride I did with AKT Motos through the Andes Mountains in Colombia).
Tip 1: Don’t Be A “Maybe” Rider
If you’re not sure, don’t commit to the ride. Don’t be a guy who says he might go if he can get off work, or if his girlfriend says he can go, or if he feels like going that day, or any of the myriad of brainless “ifs” folks put on their potential participation. You know the drill…you start out with a whole platoon of guys who say they’re going, a week before the ride it’s down to five people, and the morning of the ride it’s you and one other guy. If you can go, put on your big girl panties and go. If you’re not sure, don’t say anything.
Tip 2: Don’t Invite Others Without Checking First
I’ve had this happen to me a few times when I’ve planned rides: Folks I invited invite others. Consider it from this perspective: I invited you because I think you’d add something to the ride and I think I know how you ride. I don’t know other folks you might want to invite, I don’t know how they would fit in the group, and I don’t know how they ride. My suggestion is this: Ask the ride organizer if you want to invite someone else. Don’t just invite others along.
If it’s a marque-specific ride, don’t invite others along who ride other motorcycles. The ride organizer is promoting a manufacturer’s motorcycle. It’s weird; folks would badmouth Chinese motorcycles but then get their shorts in a knot because we wouldn’t allow other brands on the CSC Baja rides (you can read about those in 5000 Miles at 8000 RPM and Moto Baja). Call Brand X and complain to them if they don’t have a ride for you; don’t bitch at me because I don’t want your bike sneaking into my marketing photos.
Tip 3: Don’t Ask To Join The Ride Along The Way
This seems to be a recurring request, and the only thing I can attribute it to is laziness and that all-too-common sense of “You don’t understand…I’m special.” It doesn’t seem to matter if we’re organizing a 300-mile ride or a 5000-mile ride. There’s always that guy who doesn’t want to ride an extra 15 miles to join the group at the starting point. He wants the group to pull off the highway to meet him somewhere along the way.
Don’t do this, folks. Either make it to the start of the ride or stay home. The ride organizer has enough going on without adding additional stops to save you 15 miles (and we don’t want to inconvenience everyone else who made it to the start point). Find those big girl panties. Pull ’em on.
Tip 4: Attend the Pre-Ride Briefing
If there’s a pre-ride briefing, go to it. Ride organizers do this to provide critical information and to emphasize safety. Don’t ask if you can skip the pre-ride briefing.
A combined dinner and pre-ride briefing before our Western America Adventure ride. It was an awesome ride: 15 guys, 5000 miles, and no mishaps.
Tip 5: Don’t Push Alternative Routes
Trust me on this: The ride organizer has put a lot of thought into the route. I know when I plan a ride I have a lot of things in mind (start times, how long the ride will take, getting in before dark, the group’s safety, things to see along the way, the route, fuel stops, etc.). If you have a better idea, do your own ride.
If the group isn’t going somewhere you want to go, you might ask the ride organizer privately if it would be okay to split off, see what you want to see, and then meet up with the group later that night (or just finish the ride on your own). I’ve had guys do this and I’m fine with it. What ride organizers don’t want is a debate during the pre-ride briefing.
Tip 6: Arrive Early
This is so obvious it almost seems silly to mention it. When I plan a ride and specify a departure time, that’s when we’re leaving. If you’re not ready to go at that time, we’re leaving anyway. I won’t delay the group because you can’t get there on time.
It was the morning we departed California for a 5000-mile ride through the western United States. Everyone was there on time except the chase truck driver. Always show up early for any group ride.
Tip 7: Arrive Fully Fueled
Stop for fuel someplace close to the departure point and fill up, and do so such that you can arrive for the start on time. There are few things more frustrating than a rider who announces he has to stop for fuel when the group is ready to leave.
This applies to breakfast, too: Eat your breakfast early, unless the group plans to stop for breakfast. I’ve had guys announce when the group was ready to leave that they needed to eat first. Seriously?
Tip 8: Make Sure You and Your Bike Are Ready
If you need to adjust your chain, check your oil, charge your cell phone, clean your faceshield, tweet, post on Instagram, adjust your jockstrap, or any of the other things I’ve seen guys do at the start of a group ride, do all that before you arrive. I used to ride with a guy named Dick who did that sort of thing constantly, and he always did it just as we were ready to leave. “Wait a second,” Dick would say, “I think my chain is loose.”
Yep, I needed to clean my faceshield. But I didn’t make anyone wait while I did so.
The advice here is simple: Don’t be a Dick. Do whatever you need to do so that you’re ready to roll at the designated departure time.
Tip 9: Keys, Gear, and Mount Up (in that order)
Put your key in the ignition before you suit up, suit up, and then get on your bike. Don’t get on your bike before you put on your gear, and don’t pull your gloves on when your key is still in your pocket. I know, this all sounds obvious. But people do these things. I’ve seen guys drop their bikes because they suddenly realize they need to put on their helmet, jacket, and gloves as the group is leaving. They’ll jump on their bike, try to balance an 800-pound motorcycle while pulling on their gear, realize the key is still in their pocket so they have to remove their gloves…and in the middle of it all: Bam, down goes the bike. Dick used to do that all the time.
Put the key in the ignition, suit up, and then get on your bike. And do it so when the group is ready to leave, you are, too.
Velma and Orlando at speed in Death Valley. She was wonderful…always on time and always reminding Orlando that orange is the fastest color.
One more point on this: If you want to bring your significant other along and he or she is one of those people who takes a long time getting ready, explain that motorcycle rides are different. They just are. If your significant other can’t adapt, maybe you need another significant other.
Tip 10: Refuel When Everyone Else Does
Your ride organizer will have considered the bikes and their fuel ranges and selected stops accordingly. Don’t assume you can make it to the next fuel stop when everyone else is refueling. I’ve had guys do this and then run out of gas at inconvenient times and in inconvenient places. One guy did so coming home from a Baja ride. We spent the night in Tecate and fueled the bikes there, but for whatever reason, he decided he had enough gasolina and he didn’t top off. He ran out of gas on I-5 somewhere north of San Diego. For all I know, he’s still sitting by the side of the road.
Tip 11: Keep Your Helmet On At Gas Stops
A fuel stop can be 10 minutes if everyone pulls up to a pump, keeps their helmet on, and is efficient. Or it can be 45 minutes or more if folks take their helmets off, start kibitzing and posting on social media…you know. Listen to what the ride organizer says about this during the pre-ride briefing. I like to keep my helmet on and keep things moving.
Drink enough to stay hydrated. Use the restroom every chance you get, even if you don’t have to (so you won’t have to while underway).
Fuel stops are a good place to use the rest room, too, but be quick about it. Most ride organizers will make a pit stop every hour or so (hey, we’re mostly a bunch of full-figured mature prostate patients), so take advantage of every stop and hit the head.
Tip 12: Eat With The Group, and Be Nice
Don’t decide you don’t like the restaurant the ride leader selects for lunch and wander off looking for your idea of the perfect place, and don’t suggest different places to eat when the group stops at a restaurant. Give the ride leader credit for having thought about things like how long it takes to get served at a restaurant, cost, etc. On the wandering off thing, I’ve had guys do this and I left without them when we were finished eating. Sometimes they got back in time and sometimes they didn’t, but I wasn’t going to inconvenience everyone else waiting for my vagabundos to rejoin the group.
If you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, you know large groups are tough. The wait staff may be leery of your group for a couple of reasons…you’re a bunch of people dressed like Power Rangers (so you may be a little intimidating), and most groups tend to leave scanty tips (or no tip at all). Be nice and leave a good tip. The ride organizer probably has a relationship with the restaurant from prior visits, and he ‘ll probably want to bring other groups on subsequent rides. Don’t poison the well.
That ketchup bottle belongs where you see it. Gresh knows this now. We are not alone.
Don’t take up other tables by stacking your helmets, your jackets, and other stuff on them. Leave other tables free for the restaurant’s other customers.
Some folks take forever choosing from the menu, or they have special requests (you know, put this on the side, add this but subtract that, can I get goat cheese instead of American cheese, etc.). That makes things difficult for the restaurant and the other riders. Choose from the menu, be quick about it, and don’t delay the group.
Here’s another thing I want to mention: I’ve ridden with guys my age or older who mostly look like me, yet they somehow feel compelled to hit on the wait staff. For the record, I’m overweight, I’m bald, and I’m not tall, dark, or handsome. Read that sentence again, because whether you realize it or not, I may have just described you. Do you really think a young woman working in a restaurant is going to be impressed by a short, fat, and not-so-handsome guy three times her age hitting on her? Give it a break, guys.
Tip 13: Ride Safely
Safety trumps everything else on a group ride. Go to the safety briefing, ride in a staggered formation, don’t crowd the rider in front of you, and don’t try to carry on a conversation by riding alongside another rider.
Good spacing and a staggered formation make for a safe ride. If you’re wondering, I shot this photo in Baja.
Riding in a group also means keeping up…you don’t want to tailgate the rider in front of you, but you don’t want to ride so slowly that it opens up huge gaps in the group.
If a traffic light changes to red, don’t blow through it just to keep up with the group. The ride leader will most likely stop to wait for you. You should know the route so that if you do get separated, you can join the group down the road. And if a car needs to change lanes to exit in front of you, allow it to enter and cross your lane.
Finally, know your capabilities and consider the group. If you’re a loud-pipes-saves-lives kind of rider and the group is a bunch of loud-clutches-saves-lives canyon carvers, you may be praying at the wrong church. If the group is riding at a pace beyond your capabilities, drop out and ride your own ride. Don’t get in over your head, and don’t assume because the guy in front of you made it through that corner at 80 mph you will, too.
Tip 14: Avoid Alcohol During the Ride
I’ll only ride with folks who won’t drink at all on a ride. Once the bikes are parked for the evening, that’s another story, but during the day, it’s no booze. Period. I’ve played the game with guys who think they can have a beer during the day. Then it becomes two. Then three. Nope. Not gonna happen. Not with me.
Nothing is better than a Tecate with lime and rock salt around the rim once the bikes are put away for the evening.
There are liability issues here, and it’s likely that folks sponsoring a ride simply won’t risk the extra exposure that goes with allowing alcohol consumption on a ride.
Tip 15: Be An Extremely Careful Photog
You can have a great motorcycle ride or you can make a great video, but you can’t do both at the same time.
If you want to do a video on the road, get a mount (Ram makes good gear) to mount your Go Pro or cell phone to the bike so you don’t have to screw around holding it or looking through a viewfinder while you ride. If you’re using a wide angle lens, don’t try to make up for it by crowding the rider in front of you to get a better view of his bike. Safety first all the time is the rule here.
If you’re using a digital camera for still shots, never try to use the viewfinder or look at the LCD screen to compose the shot while you’re riding. Digital film is cheap: Take a bunch of photos without looking through or at the camera. One or more of your photos will be good. You can’t control your motorcycle trying to compose a photo, and you put yourself and the riders around you at risk if you attempt to do so.
Riding China. Buy the book (don’t wait for the movie). It was a glorious 6,000-mile group ride without a single incident.
Last point on this topic: Don’t delay the ride so you can get the perfect photo or an artistic video. There’s a lot more at stake here than the number of likes you’ll get on Facebook.
Tip 16: Pay Attention To Your Turn Signals
Keep an eye on your turn signals. Dick used to put his turn signal on, he’d make the turn, and then he’d ride the next 72 miles with his turn signal flashing. Again: Don’t be a Dick.
Tip 17: Pack Your Bike Safely
One time I rode with bunch of guys from the place I was working at the time, and the plan was for a 3-day trip to San Felipe. I had my KLR, there was another guy on an FJR, and there was another guy on a full dress Harley. We met up at a Denny’s and I was shocked, although I guess I shouldn’t have been. The Harley guy’s bike had saddlebags and a tailpack, and he still had a bunch of stuff strapped down on his rear seat and the top of the tailpack. “I brought everything I needed for the three days,” Mr. Harley announced (his name wasn’t Dick, but it could have been).
I had everything I needed, too, and it was all in the tankbag on my KLR (including a camera). I pointed that out to my portly V-twin buddy. Learning how to pack (and what to pack) comes with experience, I guess. New riders tend to overpack. I used to do that. I travel light now.
My Harley on one of my first Baja rides. Cue in the music from the Beverly Hillbillies.
The drill on a ride for me is this: If I can’t get it into the panniers and the tailpack, I don’t need it. And that includes tools, a laptop, my camera, and a couple of lenses. I mentioned this on one of the week-long CSC Baja rides, and one of my friends said, “I don’t know how you do it. I have the same bike with the same bags, and I still need to strap a bag down on the rear seat to hold everything. And I only brought enough underwear to change every other day.”
My response? “You brought underwear?”
Tip 18: Let Others Know If You Bail
If you’re going to leave the ride, let others know. It’s okay to do that; it’s not okay to do it without letting anybody know and just disappearing. That happened to me once in Baja and it scared the hell out of us. You don’t want to make people nervous (and maybe become the object of a search party, like we had to do in Baja) by simply changing your mind about the ride or the route. Be a nice guy and let someone know if you’re going to bail.
So there you have it. If I’ve offended anyone with the above list, my guess is you’re young and you’ll probably get over it. If not, mea culpa. And if you have more suggestions on how to ride well in a group, we sure would like to hear them. Please leave your comments here on the ExNotes blog (don’t post your comments on Facebook; be one of the cool kids and post them here).
Ride safe, folks. And ride extra safe if you ride with a group.
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We’re starting a new series here on ExNotes, and it’s one I think you’ll enjoy: A series on our favorite hotels in Baja. There are some great places to stay in Baja, and unlike hotels here in the US, they are not part of any big hotel chains. I love exploring Baja, and the hotels are part of the experience.
That’s enough introduction…let’s get to my all time favorite Baja hotel first: The Las Casitas Hotel in Mulegé. It’s the hotel you see those little CSC-150 Scooters parked in front of in the big photo above.
Mulegé is a special place. It’s about 630 miles south of San Diego, and you can get to it by either riding south from Tijuana on Mexico Highway 1, or you can take what is now a paved road all the way down from Mexicali on the Sea of Cortez side. Either ride is stunning.
Mulege is on the Sea of Cortez about 600 miles down the road from the border.
One note we always add on any Baja story is to make sure you have Mexican insurance before you enter Baja. Our recommendation is to go with BajaBound (the insurance we always use).
Mulegé is one of my favorite towns in Baja, and the Las Casitas just adds to the experience. It’s not hard to find. Just bear to the right at the first fork in the road as you enter Mulegé and you’ll be there (the official address is Valle Vadero 50 Colonia Centro 89518 Mulegé, Baja California Sur, Mexico). But like I said, it’s not that hard to find, and if don’t find it immediately, you’ll like riding around in Mulegé. If you want to make a reservation, you can reach the hotel at lascasitas1962@hotmail.com or you can call +52 615 153 0019.
The Las Casitas has two locations…the original one, and then one a block or two away. The original location includes a bar and a restaurant, and when I’m in Mulegé I put both to good use.
Good buddy Brian and yours truly at the Las Casitas Hotel, kicking back after a long day on the road.
Francisco Javier Aguiar Zuñiga is the proprietor (he has been for 40 years). Javier is an all around nice guy. If you’re going there with a group, let him know and he’ll prepare a special meal. I’ve done that on group tours I’ve led through Baja, and every meal at the Las Casitas has been a treat.
Dinner in the Las Casitas Hotel during one of the CSC Baja expeditions.Chile rellenos, as prepared and served by Javier and the staff at the Las Casitas Hotel. They were exquisite. Being right on the Sea of Cortez, the seafood is outstanding, too. Breakfasts are spectacular.
You know, I looked through my photos for the restaurant, and to my great surprise, I could only find a couple. I think that’s an indication of just how good things are there…the hospitality and the cuisine are so fabulous (and I enjoy both so much) that I only had my camera out a couple of times. The breakfasts are outstanding, too…Javier always has fresh orange juice ready to go, and trust me on this, you want to try it.
A great group of graybeards posing for photos in the Las Casitas Hotel courtyard. Javier is second from the left.
The Las Casitas has a central courtyard that is distinctly tropical in appearance and feel, and for good reason: Mulegé is only a few miles north of the Tropic of Cancer, where the tropics officially begin. Javier will let you park your motorcycle into the courtyard, although I don’t know that it’s necessary. On one of my trips, we overindulged in Negro Modelos and margaritas in the Las Casitas lounge and left our bikes parked on the street that night. They were just fine the next morning.
Entering Mulegé. The Mulegénos kicked our butts in the 1800s, but all has been forgiven and you’ll be treated like royalty today.
The town calls itself “Heroica Mulegé.” During a dinner at the Las Casitas one evening I was telling the story behind that name. The Heroica part has to do with the Mexicans holding off a much larger military force, except as I relayed the tale I couldn’t remember who they were fighting. “It was you,” Javier politely reminded me, and indeed it was. All this happened during the 1846-1848 Mexican-American War. As you might guess, relations have improved since then.
When you visit, be sure you make time to stop by the Misión Santa Rosalía de Mulegé (it’s one of the original Baja missions).
Inside the Misión Santa Rosalía de Mulegé.The view looking out from inside the Misión Santa Rosalía de Mulegé. There’s an observation deck up top, too, with a commanding view of Mulegé’s date orchards and the Rio Mulegé.
Mulegé also has an historic prison that is now a museum. Let me tell you how good life was (and is) in Mulegé: Back in the day, prisoners were allowed to leave during the day to work, and the prison had no bars. Things were so good in Mulegé that no one (including the prisoners) wanted to leave. I can understand why. You will, too, when you visit this magnificent little gem of a town and the Las Casitas Hotel. They are two of Baja’s best kept secrets.
If you’re planning a Baja trip, there are two books we’d like to suggest you consider to gain more insight into what Baja has to offer. The first is, of course, my book on motorcycling in Baja, Moto Baja. It’s good. The other is Jennifer Kramer’s Tijuana to Los Cabos, which is another excellent resource.
One more thing…if you’re making the trek into Baja, you’ll want to capture great photos, folks. You want a good single lens reflex digital camera for an adventure like Baja, and Nikon’s D3500 is one of the best. It’s what I shoot. Gresh works his magic with a comparable Canon digital camera, and they’re good, too.
At Tinfiny Ranch it’s been kind of cool this winter. I haven’t been riding motorcycles much at all lately. Zed, the Z1 Kawasaki, needs its float needles changed as it has developed an intermittent incontinence on the far right carburetor. I have to keep turning off the fuel petcock because I don’t trust the carbs to reliably do their carb thing.
The Husky is way overdue for a valve adjustment but I have too many other projects apart and going on to hobble my Italian/Swedish mish-mash motorcycle at the moment. The Husky still runs fine so when Mike, my Eastern Assassin riding buddy texted me photos of his new KTM 390 Adventure bike and said, “The hell with this cold, lets do a little ride and you can check out my new bike,” I was all over it.
Mike rides more dirt than anyone I know. I’ve done thousands of miles of gravel roads with him and I’ve only seen a quarter of the trails he has. His normal trail bike was a 650 BMW single but that bike turned out not so great on rough trails. It’s a heavy, low-slung bike and it tended to fall over a lot. Mike, a reformed street rider, had a Harley Davidson Fat Boy that was gathering dust in his garage so he sold it off and used the proceeds to buy a new KTM 390 Adventure. I’m guessing not many people go from a Fat Boy to a KTM 390. The 390 weighs about 100 pounds less than the 650 BMW and straight-line performance is nearly the same although naturally the 390 spins faster to get the job done.
We met up for coffee and potato chips at a little tourist trap on the corner of Three Rivers and Highway 54. The 390 looks great. It’s very light feeling off the kickstand. The bike came with street tires similar to the crappy tires I run on the Husqvarna. The KTM is a bit high in the saddle but its wide seat is actually lower than the Husky seat. My short legs reach the ground about the same on both bikes.
We rode towards the Sacramento Mountains ending up at the little Santa Nino de Atocha church. While not a religious man, I like earnest churches and old graveyards. Last time I was here my Kawasaki gas tank sprung a leak and I had to hurry home before I ran out of gas. I didn’t have time to check things out properly.
The graves at Santa Nino de Atocha are fairly well maintained. It’s a lonely spot but I believe the church still draws a few congregants from the huge ranches situated all the way to the mountains.
Poor little Sofia never had much of a chance. As I grow older I realize everyday is a gift.
Fancy glass-enclosed Mary (I think, I don’t know my saints)
Raiders fan for all eternity.
Laser-cut steel cross. Very nice metal work.
It gets a little nippy in New Mexico’s winter but the brilliant blue sky warms your soul.
Somebody left the sprinkler on and created an ice fantasy over by the church’s RV camping area.
Mike and I shot the breeze for a while and made grand plans for the rides we will take his new motorcycle on until the temperature started dropping along with the sun. I don’t want to do much night riding anymore so we bundled up and headed back to our little towns on opposite ends of Highway 54 (La Luz and Carrizozo).
It was only a 100-mile ride but I felt recharged when I got home. Mike has managed to put a thousand miles on the KTM in only a few cold weeks. If I don’t hurry and get back to motorcycles he’ll have the thing worn out before I ride again.
Need more Gresh?
Joe Gresh’s published articles in Motorcyclist, Adventure Rider, and other pubs are here.
You can see all of Joe Gresh’s blogs by clicking on his name in the upper left corner by his avatar (as shown by the red arrow).
After zipping through the Andes Mountains in Colombia for a week on RS3 motorcycles with my good buddies Juan and Carlos (the RS3 is the carbureted version of the RX3), I spent a day in the AKT Motos plant. AKT Motos is the importer and assembler of Zongshen motorcycles in Colombia.
The AKT factory was impressive, and not just because of the fact that they make motorcycles there. I’ve been in and around factories for most of my life. There are good ones and there are bad ones. I can tell the difference as soon as I walk in just by looking at the people who work there and the condition of the facilities. The vibes were all good…AKT is a good place to work and the people there love what they do.
Here’s the AKT Moto assembly line:
Juan Carlos grabbed the photo below of yours truly with Enrique Vargas, AKT Moto’s General Manager.
Here’s a video showing the AKT Motos plant in action:
Enrique is a genuine nice guy and he’s the real deal. He rides a different AKT Motos motorcycle to work every day (in Medellin traffic, that’s no small feat), and he races motocross on the weekends. Enrique is the guy who invited me on the Colombia trip, and I had a wonderful time on that ride. You can read about the adventure in Moto Colombia, our book about the ride through Colombia. It was the ride of a lifetime, and the book makes a great gift.
That photo at the top of this blog? It’s yours truly leaving the ferry that had carried us down the Magdalena River to Mompox, one of my favorite places in the world and unquestionably one of the more exotic spots I ever visited on a motorcycle. Here’s a video I did on that ferry ride with a few scenes in Mompox at night, and another riding through the Andes.
From time to time, I hear this question: How much cash should I take to Baja? Costs have gone up in Baja (like everywhere else), but Baja is still a cheap date. How much you’ll need will depend on your tastes, how much you drink, and where you stay. To cut to the chase, when I ride in Baja, I’ll take a thousand bucks with me if I’m going to be there for a week, and I always come home with money in my pocket. You can bring a credit card to Baja, but once you get out of the tourist spots (Ensenada, San Felipe, Loreto, La Paz, and Cabo), Baja is mostly a cash proposition. In these tourist spots, costs will be more in line with what you’d pay in the US for food and lodging, too. You can’t depend on being able to use your credit in the smaller towns and at the more remote gas stations.
Expenses in Baja will include food, gasolina, lodging, and if you’re going to see the whales or the cave paintings, the cost of admission for those things. Figure on $50 for a half-day whale-watching tour (it’s worth every penny, in my opinion); the cave paintings a little less. Both are great things to see (many folks describe them as life-changing, and I’m in that category). If you plan to have a drink or two at night, you’ll need a bit for that, too.
Gasoline prices in Baja are usually about the same as they are in California. That’s usually works out to something north of $3 per gallon. They sell it by the liter and it’s easier to pay in pesos, but they’ll take dollars at an exchange rate that is not usually in your favor. It’s best to have pesos and pay in the native currency. You can see our earlier blog on fuel in Baja for more information.
Food is inexpensive if you eat in other than touristy restaurants. My friends think I’m a genius at finding good spots to eat in Baja, but my secret is simple: I just look for the spots with lots of cars and pickups parked in front. It works every time. I’ll usually budget $25 US a day for food. It’s easier to pay in pesos, but most restaurants will also take dollars. I might add this: I’ve never had a bad meal in Baja. I could write a book just about the restaurants down there. There are many hidden treasures. We’ve listed a few on our Baja page.
Hotels are typically between $25 and $70 per night outside of the tourist towns. In the smaller spots, $25 seems to be the norm. In the more well known hotels (like Malarrimo’s in Guerrero Negro), it’s going to be more like $70 per night. The rooms won’t be fancy, but they will be clean, and if you’re like me, you’re not going to be riding Baja as a hotel critic.
Don’t forget your Baja insurance. You have to get a separate insurance policy for your motorcycle when you go into Baja, and based on my 30-plus years of riding south of the border, BajaBound Insurance is the best. You should purchase it online before you cross into Mexico, and the BajaBound website makes that easy to do.
If your stay is going to be longer than a week, you’ll need to pay for a Mexican tourist visa (a week or less is free). The cost for a tourist visa is $30. You can (and should) pick up your tourist visa as soon as you cross into Mexico.
Here’s a summary of how the above stacks up (all amounts are in US dollars):
As I mentioned at the start of this blog, when I go into Baja for a weeklong trip, I’ll usually start with $1000 in my wallet and I usually return with money left over. In the event you do need more cash, there are banks in the larger towns with ATMs, and they’ve always worked for me.
We have much more information, including suggested riding itineraries, on our Baja page. You can read about some of our great rides in Baja here.
Want more info on exploring Baja on a motorcycle? Pick up a copy of Moto Baja!
When I wrote the blog for CSC Motorcycles, we organized several multi-day rides (trips through Baja, the western US, China, Colombia, and more). One of my favorite rides was the Destinations Deal tour. It started out as an idea by the real marketing whiz in the CSC organization (who likes her anonymity, so I won’t mention her name), with directions to include some of the best destinations in the southwestern US. As I organized the ride, I realized all the spots I selected were featured in stories I wrote for Motorcycle Classics magazine. CSC wanted to offer a discount on any new bike purchased for the event, the Motorcycle Classics columns were all titled Destinations, and the ride quickly became known as the Destinations Deal Tour.
The ride was awesome: Topock, Laughlin, Oatman, the Grand Canyon, Route 66, Zion, the Extraterrestrial Highway, Tonopah, Death Valley, Shoshone, Baker, and then home. Just over 1500 miles in 6 days on 250cc motorcycles…it would be exactly what the doctor ordered.
The Destinations Deal was one of the best rides I ever did. Old friends and new friends, great weather, great stops, great roads, and great stories combined for an awesome week. The roads, the riders, the restaurants, the camaraderie…it all clicked on this one. But don’t take my word for it. Take a look at the photos.
Leighton and a killer hot dog in Topock on the Colorado River just as we crossed into Arizona. You get a discount coupon for the local coronary care unit when you order this meal.A few of the boys and their RX3s in Oatman. Clark Gable and Carole Lombard stayed in this hotel back in the day.Wild jackasses roam the streets in Oatman. I could have a lot of fun captioning this photo.On our first night, we stayed in the Colorado Belle, a riverboat hotel on the Colorado River in Laughlin, Nevada. It was our first day and we rode through three states already. Gresh and I closed the bar that first evening. They had a live group doing ’60s Motown hits and the music was fantastic. Or maybe we just had a few too many cervezas. Or maybe it was both. The trip was off to a great start.Day 2 on the way to the Grand Canyon. The weather was perfect for the entire ride.Velma and Orlando, who rode two-up on a brand-new blue RX3. Orlando taught me Spanish on this ride: El naranja es el color más rápido.Another shot of the most photogenic couple you’ll ever see on an adventure ride, this time using a super-wide-angle lens on my Nikon. You can actually see the curvature of the earth in this photo.Good buddy Rob, with who I’ve ridden several times in the US and Mexico, buys a drink for a new friend at the Grand Canyon.On the road to Zion along Arizona’s Highway 89A after visiting the Grand Canyon. This was a glorious ride.Marble Canyon in Arizona as we re-crossed the mighty Colorado River.Zion, the Crown Jewel of our National Parks. This was shaping up to be one of the best trips ever. From left to right, it’s Dan The Man, Orlando and Velma, Gary in the back, Leighton, Willie, and Rob. Add Gresh and yours truly, mix well, and you have the makings of a grand adventure.My buds in the rear view, as we waited for a group of big horn sheep to cross the road. You could say the delay was baa-aa-aa-ad, but it was worth it to see those magnificent big horns.The next day it was on to Nevada for the long trek to Tonopah. We took the world-famous ExtraTerrestrial Highway. Here’s a shot of shot ET after he phoned home.Selfies in Rachel, Nevada, where Joe Gresh made friends with an elderly waitress. She schooled Uncle Joe on the finer points of place settings, ketchup assignments, and more. You had to be there to fully appreciate the training session. It was funny as hell.On the ET Highway, headed toward Tonopah. The riding was incredible; the camaraderie even better. We set a sedate pace to conserve fuel. Everyone did over 70 mpg (even Orlando and Velma, riding two up). Folks commented that they liked the slower pace. I did, too.After a night in Tonopah, it was on to Death Valley (entering from the northeast) the next morning. It was awesome. That’s Willie, Dan, and Gary.The entire valley, as seen from Dante’s Peak. Death Valley is an exceptional destination. If you’ve never been to Death Valley, you need to go.The crew (from left to right) included Gary, Willie, Orlando, Rob, Velma, Dan, Leighton and me (I was on the other side of the camera). Gresh was there, but he spun off to see Stovepipe Wells in Death Valley that afternoon. He had his reasons.We stayed in Shoshone our last night. The Shoshone Inn had a fun firepit outside. Gresh bought the beer. It had been a grand ride and it would end the next day. I think we doubled the population the night we were in Shoshone.Dinner in Shoshone. Like every meal on the road, it was awesome.Back through Baker after a freezing early morning ride, breakfast at the Mad Greek (another great meal and a popular motorcycle stop), and then home. What a week!
We did a lot of grand trips at CSC, and it did a lot to help publicize the RX3. Baja, the Western America Adventure Ride, the China ride, the Colombia ride, and more. I did a similar ride for Janus Motorcycles (Janus makes another great 250cc motorcycle) through northern Baja with a couple of their execs and it, too, was awesome (you can read about that one here). There’s a lot to getting these rides organized and there are always things that can go wrong (personalities, bike issues, etc.), but I’ve been lucky. Every one has been a hoot!
This is a good time to buy a CSC or Janus motorcycle. Both companies are running awesome Thanksgiving sales. Check out both motorcycles; you’ll be glad you did!
Listicles, Gresh calls them…articles based around the (fill in the number) best things to do, worst things to do, motorcycles, movies, and more. One of Gresh’s friends told him that lists get more hits than any other kind of Internet article. I was a bit skeptical when I first heard that, but Google Analytics doesn’t lie: When we do a listicle, our hits go up big time. And comments, too. We like comments. And a lot of this blogging game is about the hits and comments. Gresh’s The 5 Stupidest Ideas in Motorcycling, my recent The Big Ride: 5 Factors Affecting Daily Mileage, and other ExNote listicles…they’ve all done extremely well.
This listicle thing has me thinking in terms of the five best whatever when I’m spitballing new blog ideas, and the list du jour is on motorcycle books. It’s a topic near and dear to my heart and one we’ve touched on lightly before, although the emphasis in the past has usually been on a single book. I think I’ve read just about every motorcycle book ever published, and I particularly like the travel stories. That said, I think this introduction is long enough. Let’s get to it.
Riding the Edge
Riding the Edge, in my opinion, is the greatest motorcycle adventure story ever told, made all the more significant by two facts. The first is that Dave Barr, the author, did the ride after losing both legs to a land mine in Africa; the second is that Dave did the ride on a beat up old ’72 Harley Super Glide that had 100,000 miles on the odometer before he started.
I know Dave Barr and I’ve ridden with him. I can tell you that he is one hell of a man, and Riding the Edge is one hell of a story. The ride took four years, mostly because Dave pretty much financed the trip himself. He’d ride a country or two, run out of money, get a job and save for a bit, and then continue. I read Riding the Edge nearly two decades ago, and it’s the book that lit my fire for international motorcycle riding. None of the rides I’ve done (even though I’ve ridden through a few of the countries Barr did) begins to approach Dave Barr’s accomplishments. The guy is my hero.
Riding the Edge is written in an easy, conversational style. I’ve probably read my copy a half-dozen times. In fact, as I type this, I’m thinking I need to put it on my nightstand and read some of my favorite parts again. If you go for any of the books on this list, Riding the Edge is the one you have to read.
The Longest Ride
Emilio Scotto. Remember that name, and remember The Longest Ride. This is a guy who had never left his native Argentina, thought it might be cool to see the world on a motorcycle, bought a Gold Wing (which he named the Black Princess), and then…well, you can guess the rest. He rode around the world on a motorcycle.
Emilio took 10 years for his trip around the world, and he covered 500,000 miles in the process. He’s another guy who is good with a camera. I thoroughly enjoyed The Longest Ride. I think you will, too.
Two Wheels Through Terror
Glen Heggstad…that’s another name you want to remember. Mix one martial arts expert, a Kawasaki KLR 650, a kidnaping (his own), a trip through South America, and a natural propensity for writing well and you’ll have Two Wheels Through Terror. I love the book for several reasons, including the fact that Mr. Heggstad used a KLR 650 (one of the world’s great adventure touring motorcycles), the way he tells the story of his kidnaping in Colombia (a country I rode in), and his wonderful writing.
I’ve met Glen a couple of times. The first time was at a local BMW dealership when he spoke of his travels; the second time was at his booth at the Long Beach International Motorcycle Show. Glen is a hell of a man, a hell of a writer, and a hell of a fighter (all of which emerge in Two Wheels Through Terror). He is a guy who just won’t quit when the going gets tough. I admire the man greatly.
Jupiter’s Travels
Ah, Ted Simon, one of the granddaddies of adventure motorcycle riding. I’d heard about his book, Jupiter’s Travels, for years before I finally bought a copy and read it, and then I felt like a fool for not having read it sooner.
Jupiter’s Travels was one of the first books about riding a motorcycle around the world, and what made it all the more interesting for me was that Simon didn’t do it as a publicity stunt. No big sponsors, no support vehicles, no nothing, a lot like the other great journeys on this list. It was what the guy wanted to do, so he quit his job and did it. Simon’s bike was a 500cc air-cooled Triumph, and I liked that, too. I’m a big fan of the old British vertical twins (the Triumph was a state-of-the-motorcycle-art when Ted Simon did his ride). Trust me on this, folks: Jupiter’s Travels is a motoliterature classic, and it’s one you need to read.
10 Years on 2 Wheels
Helge Pedersen is another name you want to know. He is a phenomenal world traveler, writer, and photographer, and 10 Years on 2 Wheels is a phenomenal read.
What sets 10 Years on 2 Wheels apart is the photography, and you get a sense of that just by seeing the cover (this is one of those rare books that you can, indeed, judge by its cover). 10 Years on 2 Wheels is what inspired me to get serious about capturing great photographs during my travels, and Helge’s photos are fabulous (they’re art, actually). This is a physically large book, and that makes the images even more of a treat.
Next Up: The Five Worst Motorcycle Books
Look for a blog in the near future on the five worst motorcycle books I’ve ever read. That one will be tough, because I pretty much like any book about motorcycles, but I’m guessing it will elicit a lot of comments.
So that’s it: Our list of the five best motorcycle books. What do you think? Leave your comments and suggestions here. We want to hear them!
About 30 years ago I cranked 1070 miles in one day on a Harley Softail coming home from Mexico (and that was on an older Softail without the rubber mounted engine…it’s the one you see in the photo above). I was younger and I could ride, as they say, like the wind. A couple of weeks ago, I did a 250-mile day ride on my Enfield and it about wiped me out.
Gresh and I were talking about this recently, and I thought I would share my thoughts on how many miles you can plan on covering in a day. Maybe it will influence your planning. Maybe not. We get paid the same either way.
1: Age
Like I said above, big miles used to be no big deal for me. That’s not the case any more. After substantial scientific study and close observation of my geezer buddies over many decades, I developed a graph showing the relationship between age and how many miles you can reasonably ride in a day.
Like it or not, when we get older, it gets harder to rack up big miles. Serious scientific study went into the above, so if you want to debate our conclusions, bring facts. We want to hear them.
2: Weather
Weather plays a big role in how many miles you can ride in a single day, and here at ExNotes we rely heavily on our weather rock before leaving on any ride. You’ve probably heard about weather rocks. We sell weather rocks here on ExNotes and they are conveniently sized to fit into a tank bag. They work like this…you hang the rock from any available support (you have to supply your own string and support). Here’s how to interpret your weather rock:
If the rock is wet, it means it’s raining and you should reduce however many miles you had planned to ride by half.
If the rock is swinging, it means it’s windy that day, and you should reduce your miles by maybe a third.
If the rock is hot to the touch, it means the temperature is elevated, and you should reduce your miles by maybe a third. Maybe even more.
If the rock is cold, it means it’s cold, and you probably can ride as long as you dress appropriately. If the rock is really, really cold, though, maybe you should stay home. If there’s ice on the rock, you definitely should stay home.
ExNotes offers weather rocks in brand-specific models:
If you ride a Harley, we offer chrome weather rocks for $395, chrome with conchos and black leather fringe weather rocks for $495, and chrome, conchos, fringe, and matching do rag weather rocks for $595 (freight and setup fees not included).
If you ride a BMW, we offer the GS weather rock with an electronically adjustable center of gravity, BMW logos, and a one-year Starbucks gift certificate for $1995.
If you ride a Ducati, you probably don’t need a weather rock (Ducati riders generally only ride their motorcycles short distances on clear days, anyway, although if you insist, we can provide a red rock for you personally autographed by the former famous racer of your choice, or we can put several rocks in a bag you can shake to sound like a Ducati clutch). Ducati rocks are free, or at least that’s what we tell you (we’ll recover the cost on your first valve adjustment and let you think you got the rock for free).
If you ride a Chinese motorcycle, we sell an ExNotes weather rock decal for $2 and you can put it on your own rock.
3: Roads
The kind of roads you plan to ride make a huge difference. If it’s all freeway, you’ll be bored but you can rack up huge miles. If it’s surface streets (and a lot of us do everything we can to stay off the freeway), you won’t cover as many miles unless you’re riding in Baja, where you can run 140mph+ on the long straights south of Valle de Los Cirios. If it’s in the mountains, it will be less, unless you’re posting about your skills on Facebook, where the folks who post are world class riders (to hear them tell it). The same holds true for riding in the dirt. You just won’t cover as many miles.
4: Headcount
This is the big one, folks. Maybe I should have listed it first. If I’m riding by myself or with one of my motorcycle buddies in Baja, I can easily do over 500 miles a day. Throw in more people, and…well, read on, my friends.
The number of riders in your group has a profound impact on how many miles you can ride in a day. In the math world, we would say that the miles per day are inversely proportional to the number of riders in your group.
As a starting point (and after extensive research and mathematical modeling), the technical staff here at ExNotes developed Formula A:
A) Miles per Day = (M)/(N)
where:
M = Miles you want to ride
N = Number of riders in your group
What the above means is that as the number of riders in your group increases, the number of miles you can cover in a day decreases. That’s because with more riders you’ll start later in the morning, you’ll be stopping more often, and you’ll take more time at each stop. That is, unless you’re riding with me. Then Formula A reduces to Formula B:
B) Miles per Day = M
where:
M = Miles you want to ride
The B in Formula B stands for Berk because basically I’ll leave you behind if you’re not ready when I am. You can catch up with me later. You might think I’m joking. I’m not.
Formula A varies a little depending on what kind of riders you have in your group, and especially if you have a Rupert. Rupert is the guy who takes 20 minutes putting his motorcycle gear back on after every stop. I once rode with a Rupert who could take 20 minutes just putting his gloves on. He got better when we threatened to cut a few of his fingers off.
5: Your Motorcycle
There are several motorcycle factors that play a huge role in how many miles you can ride in a day. In the old days, a motorcycle was a motorcycle and we did it all with a single bike (touring, off-road, canyon carving, adventure riding, etc.). Today, you gotta get specific:
ADV-style bikes are actually pretty comfortable and the ergonomics make sense. 500-mile days are easy. My KLR 650 was one of the best touring bikes I ever owned. It had phenomenal ergos.
Standard motorcycles are also relatively comfortable and you can probably do 500 miles in a day, but you’ll feel it, especially if your bike does not have a windshield. My Enfield 650 Interceptor is a good bike, but it’s the one that wiped me out on that recent 250-mile ride.
Cruisers look cool in motorcycle ads and they complement do rags and tattoos nicely, but they are less comfortable on long rides. I’ve found I can reasonably do 350-mile days on a cruiser without needing to see a chiropractor. Go much beyond that and you’ll feel it.
Sportbikes generally cut into big miles, but a lot depends on your age. Good buddy Marty and I rode sportbikes on the 2005 Three Flags Classic (I was on a Triumph Daytona) and we did big mile days on that ride. But I was 20 years younger then and I bent a lot easier. I wouldn’t want to do it again.
Classic bikes generally require shorter daily riding distances, particularly if they are British and equipped with electricals manufactured by Lucas (as in Lucas, the Prince of Darkness). I think a mid-’60s Triumph Bonneville is the most beautiful motorcycle ever created, but I wouldn’t want to ride Baja on one.
Beyond the style issues outlined above, there are other motorcycle factors to consider:
Bigger motors generally mean more miles in a day, but bigger motorcycles can slow you down if they suck up too much fuel. One year at the International Motorcycle Show, Yamaha’s bikes all had labels that showed, among other things, fuel economy. The VMax, as noted by Yamaha, averaged 27 miles per gallon. You’d be making a lot more fuel stops on that one. 27 miles per gallon. I can’t make up stuff this good.
Daily mileage is independent of displacement at 400cc and above (as long as fuel economy is not VMax nutty). Below 400cc, it gets harder (I think) to crank big miles. On my 250cc RX3, 500 miles is a big day for me. But my good buddy Rob once did a 1000-mile Baby Butt on his RX3, so I guess anything is possible.
Seats can make a big difference. I’ve never found any motorcycle seat to be really comfortable, but I have found a few to be god-awful (my Enfield is working hard to earn that title). If you want to really improve a motorcycle seat so you can up your miles, get a sheepskin cover (I’ve found those to be quite comfortable). There are other options like inflatable seats or custom made seats, but my advice is don’t waste your money. A guy showed up with an inflatable seat cover on a group ride once and it slowed us considerably. It kept blowing off his bike and we had to stop and look for it each time that happened.
Fuel tank capacity doesn’t make much difference. My KLR could go 250 miles on a tank; my TL1000S would start blinking at 105 miles. You’d think you could ride a lot further with a bigger tank, but I found I need to stop and stretch roughly every hour or two, and if I do that at gas stations, tank capacity doesn’t matter.
What do you think?
So there you have it: Our thoughts on a complex topic.
We know there are keyboard commandos out there who will take exception to our carefully constructed and presented thoughts. If you disagree, let’s hear it. We appreciate all comments, dumbass and otherwise. Please leave your thoughts here on the blog for others to see. Don’t waste your time leaving comments on Facebook (all the cool people leave their comments here…only losers post comments on Facebook). You’ll be a faster rider, you’ll be thinner, and you’ll look better if you post your comments here. And don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar, or capitalization (believe it or not, it will help our readers assess the validity of your thinking).
Like they say, your mileage may vary, and we’re looking forward to your comments. If they’re particularly inane, so much the better. We await your inputs.
Some of our more interesting rides? Right here, folks!
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We don’t do many listicals here at ExhaustNotes.us. Editorial policy frowns on the cheap, easy list as a lazy man’s way to get attention. However, that doesn’t mean we are completely immune to the meth-like attraction of lists. The thing is, click-bait lists are nearly impossible to get right. Whatever harebrained idea you’ve thought of to generate more clicks, and hopefully shares, will be blown out of the water in the comments section by people much, much smarter than you. And that’s ok, that’s why listicals are so popular. It’s a way to piss people off and generate interest.
Number 1: ABS Brakes
I don’t know which lawyer came up with the idea, but it had to be a lawyer. Full-time Antilock Brake Systems are the single most dangerous feature on modern motorcycles. Just a month ago my buddy forgot to disarm his BMW’s antilock system after a trailside nap. (The BMW system defaults to “on” whenever you shut off the bike.) After we started riding again the trail turned steeply downhill. The steepness of the descent meant that rain washed away any fine sands and left behind large rocks and boulders. His BMW rolled and rolled. All attempts at braking were futile and so naturally he crashed. The bike was basically freewheeling down a rocky hill. At least his BMW had the option to opt out of ABS.
There’s no sicker feeling than panic stomping on the brakes and nothing happens. Any motorcycle that even slightly hints at off road capability should come with a means of disabling the ABS. For that matter practically every street bike has been known to travel a dirt road or two so really all motorcycles should come with the ability to disarm the ABS. These aren’t cars we’re talking about here. Many occasions call for a motorcycle rider to lock up the rear wheel and sometimes (like on that rocky downhill) lock up the front wheel.
Number 2: Keyless Ignitions
Those electronic key fobs are a stupid solution to a problem nobody had. What is wrong with a plain old key? You know, the kind you can have a duplicate made almost anywhere? The stupid electronic-proximity widgets are huge, like the size of a Krispy Kreme doughnut. They are bulky in your pocket and you’ve got to keep a good battery in them just to start your bike! God help you if you ever lose the thing. It will require a dealer’s services and several hundred dollars to program your new Kreme.
Most times I’ve ridden a bike that came with a clunky electronic key fob I ended up leaving the thing in the saddlebag or hidden on the bike somewhere. This defeats the purpose of having any sort of lock on your motorcycle at all but I’d rather have the bike stolen than carry that stupid key fob. I suspect the real reason for the electronic key fob is to allow constant surveillance at the factory level. Didn’t make that latest payment? No problem we’ll disable your ride until you cough up the cash, Highway Rebel!
Number 3: Helmet Communicators
These silly devices allow passenger to operator conversation or communication between groups of riders. Precisely the thing you’re trying to get away from when you ride a motorcycle. Look, if I want to know what you’re thinking, which I don’t, I’ll wave you to a stop and we will discuss it hand to hand. The advertisements for these Zen-terrupters tout range and clarity as if those are aspirational goals. I might buy a set if the manufacturer promised me the damn things would never work.
Some of you find pleasure in the constant road-chatter. Not me, I want you to keep your thoughts to yourself and I’ll do the same. Some of you think that communication devices are a good way to warn back markers about road conditions. That assumes anyone will actually believe you after that last bone-headed move you pulled leaving the Waffle House. Then I’m told they are good for keeping the group together so that stragglers won’t get lost. Has it ever occurred to these pro-communication, Chatty Cathy’s that the stragglers want to get lost? That maybe they are sick of your yapping about fence posts, tar snakes and how you want everyone to stop because you have to pee. Aren’t you old enough to go to the bathroom alone?
Some of my most memorable group-ride dinnertime discussions have been a result of the group breaking up, missing turns, getting lost and arriving at the restaurant with wild stories to tell. That won’t happen if everyone has had the exact same experience. “Did you see the size of that buck?” is met with a flat-toned chorus, “Yes, we all heard over the radio and saw the buck.” rather than “No, but the hitch hikers we picked up when we made that wrong turn robbed us at gunpoint and then Phil ran off with the redhead.” Remember, the best part of riding in a group is being alone.
Number 4: Entertainment Systems
This includes stupid Bluetooth, interconnecting phone features, stupid music systems and stupid, play-pretty graphics that distract a motorcyclist from the main job at hand: staying alive. Riding a motorcycle is dangerous enough without the rider fiddling around with the dash display on his motorcycle. Engine RPM and velocity, along with distance traveled is all the data you need to correctly operate a motorcycle. Page after page of bright, TFT-BS will only make you worry about the minor fluctuations any mechanical device goes through in the normal prosecution of its job.
No one ever cared about their tire pressures until those TPS systems polluted the instrument panels of America. Now it’s like everyone is running Moto GP and 1 psi really matters. Stop it! And if your idea of a fun motorcycle ride is playing with the stereo and poking your thumb at 45 different handlebar buttons maybe you should quit changing the display settings and just stay at home with your younger brother’s Nintendo. The one your parents made him put down in the basement so the noise won’t bother your mom’s overly sensitive ears. Doesn’t it seem like the older she gets the more sound annoys her?
Number 5: One-Piece Riding Suits on the Street
I know some riders swear by one-piece suits but don’t take their opinion on the subject, take mine. I had a one-piece leather suit 43 years ago and the trauma from that experience still haunts me. Many a night I wake up in a cold sweat having to use the restroom but mentally stuck inside a one-piece suit. I can see road racers wearing one piece suits for the extra protection they afford during high-speed get-offs. If you’re riding your street bike anything like a Moto GP star you should probably not be riding on the street. Sure, they look great in website road test photos but those guys are only riding the bike for 15 minutes at a time. As soon as the camera stops clicking they peel that crap off toot-sweet.
For normal, everyday riding a one-piece suit is incredibly inconvenient. There are only a few things more disgusting than using a filthy, urine-soaked gas station toilet and one of them is using a filthy, urine-soaked gas station toilet while wearing a one-piece riding suit. Once you wiggle out of the top and drop your drawers you’ll soon realize that there is not enough space between the lip of the toilet and the urine-soaked floor for all that material. It’s like trying to corral your parachute in France after you’ve landed behind enemy lines on June 6th, 1944. Ok, I have no idea what that’s really like but you kind of sit there holding the bag: Practice hovering if you simply must mimic Marc Marquez on your Honda Blah.
I have more stupid motorcycle things, many more, but 5 is a good number to stop at. I mean, I may have to test some of these stupid motorcycle ideas and I don’t want to use up all my outrage in one story.
What sets 
