Harley – Page 10 – The ExhaustNotes Blog

Gun stuff is da bomb!

Or so sayeth Joe Gresh, soothsayer, philosopher, and observer of the human condition extraordinaire. Say what you wish, every time we post a gun blog here on ExNotes, the hits (no gun puns intended) go through the roof. We’re primarily a motorcycle site, with an emphasis on vintage bikes, restorations, destinations, Baja, and adventure riding. But our readers love gun stories. What to do?

I guess we’ve got to find a way to merge the two topics: Guns and motorcycles. Somebody did it with roses. We’ve got to be smart enough to find a way to do it with motorcycles. Here are my thoughts…

Maybe armed motorcycles. Hmmm, that might work. I’m thinking a .45 ACP Gatling mounted centerline on a big V-twin, maybe with the bike being designated the FLH-GG. Centerline mounting would prevent recoil-induced torque steer (just as was done on the A-10 Warthog), and the .45 ACP chambering would allow for increased ammo storage and shorter barrel length (plus, the .45 ACP is an incalculably cool cartridge). I’m thinking a firing rate of 1000 rounds per minute would do nicely.

I’d go with a single Gatling mounted in the headlight, chambered in .45 ACP. You get the idea. If you need to know more about Gatling guns, take a look here.

That Gatling thing could work. When I was in the Army, we called our 20mm Gatlings Vulcans, and Kawasaki made a motorcycle called the Vulcan. There are branding possibilities here, folks.

Or maybe we look for bikes that have already been built. Ural had a sidecar model with a machine gun mount a few years ago. Yeah, that could work.

Ural’s Gear Up model, complete with machine gun mount. Machine gun sold separately. From The Complete Book of Police and Military Motorcycles, by You Know Who.

We could focus on police and military motorcycles. Hmmm, I know a pretty good book on that topic, and Lord knows there’s enough models of police and military bikes to support a string of blog features. But hey, we’re already planning to do that. And it will be cool. I guarantee it.

A Harley WLA, complete with a Thompson submachine gun scabbard. Thompson submachine gun sold separately. This is another photo from Police and Military Motorcycles.

Maybe a feature or two on how to carry a gun on a motorcycle, both out in the open and maybe a concealed carry feature. The Army had some cool ideas on open carry back in the 1940s (see the above photo). For concealed carry, I’m thinking maybe something that’s integrated into the clutch lever, or a tankbag holster that looks like a map case. Or maybe a cell phone mount with a Derringer designed to look like a cell phone. Yeah, we could have a lot of fun with this one.

When I was at CSC, we sometimes ran a postal match. You know, where folks shoot at a target, send the target to us, and we’d score them to find a winner. That was a lot of fun.

Drive By Bike GIF from Driveby GIFs

While we were running the postal match, somebody actually wrote to me suggesting we have a match in which you have to shoot from a rolling motorcycle (no kidding, folks…I can’t make up stuff this good). It would be kind of like polo, I suppose, but with bikes and bullets instead of horses and mallets (or whatever they call those things they whack the ball with). Liability coverage might be tough, but it could be made to work.

We could design a gun that transforms itself into a motorcycle. You know, you carry the thing in a holster, say a few well-chosen words, and it converts itself into a motorcycle to allow for a convenient and quick exit. We could maybe call it something catchy, like the Transformer. We ‘d probably sell a few just because it sounds like an electric thingamabog (you know, it would sell to folks wanting to show they’re green). Nah, I don’t think he technology has caught up to the EPA challenges yet. But it’s fun to think about.

The Transformer, a motorcycle that changes into a gun. We’d sell a lot of T-shirts.

I’ve done a blog or two on motorcycle companies that started as firearms manufacturers. You know, BSA (which actually stands for Birmingham Small Arms), Royal Enfield (of Lee Enfield rifle fame), and well, you get the idea. That would involve a lot of research, so it may not fit in with our ExNotes labor minimization strategies. But it might be worth considering.

All of the above is food for thought, but I’m rapidly approaching a state in which I’ve been thinking so hard I may not be able to think for the next several days. Help me out here, folks. What are your ideas?

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Dream Garage

If I had all the money, I’d be one of those crazy collector types, like Jay Leno or Anthony Hopkins, the Silence Of The Lambs guy. You know, the kind that has 177 motorcycles, their Great Paw-Paw’s washing machine motor and 42 washed-up old cars stored in three aircraft hangers. All of my bikes would be in neat rows, I’d have every color of every year of each model and they would all sit in my gigantic storage shed and slowly seize up. And when I die there’d be an auction where the stuff would sell for pennies on the dollar to a bunch of soulless flippers intent on making old motorcycles as expensive and annoying as the collector car scene is today.

Maybe I’d organize both cars and bikes by engine type. There would be a Kawasaki 750 triple, a Saab 93 triple, a Suzuki 750 triple next to a crisp, modern Honda NS400. Flathead Row would have a Melroe Bobcat with the air-cooled Wisconsin V-4, and all three Harley flatties: The 45- incher, the Sportster KH and that big block they made (74-inch?). You’d have to have an 80-inch Indian and the Scout along with most of the mini bikes built in the 1970s.

I love a disc-valve two stroke but I’ve never owned one. First bikes in that section will be a bunch of Kawasaki twins (350cc and 250cc). I’d have a CanAm because with their carb tucked behind the cylinder instead of jutting out the side they don’t look like disc bikes should. A Bridgestone 350 twin without an air filter element would be parked next to a ferocious Suzuki 125cc square-four road racer, year to be determined.

Besides the two-stroke Saab I’d have a two-stroke Suzuki LJ 360cc 4X4 with the generator that turns into the starter motor like an old Yamaha AT1-125. I’d need a metalflake orange Myers Manx dune buggy. It would be that real thick kind of metalflake that looks like some kind of novelty candy served only on Easter or found in table centerpieces at wedding receptions. A few Chevy trucks from the 1960’s would make it into the collection also. A mid-60’s Chevy van, the swoopy one, would be a must-have to go with one of those giant steam tractors, the ones with the steel wheels and the chain wrapped around the steering shaft and then to the center pivot front axle to make the beast turn hard.

To complement the Bobcat I’d have a gas-engined backhoe, something from the 1950’s with all new hoses and tires. I’ll paint it yellow with a roller and then hand paint “The Jewel” in red on both sides of the hood with the tiny artist’s brush from a child’s watercolor set. The backhoe would be a smooth running liquid-cooled flathead with an updraft carburetor and it would reek of unburnt fuel whenever you lifted a heavy load in the front bucket.

No one would be as into my junk as me, so I’d have to hire a guy to feign interest in the stuff. I think $10 an hour should get me a sidekick who would always be amazed at what I had found. We’d both marvel at how little work or parts the item would need to get it running and then we’d push it into an empty space. After a cold beer from a refrigerator plastered with Klotz decals he’d run his card through the time clock with a resounding clunk, leaving me and the shop cat sitting in my beat-up brown vinyl recliner to stare at my collection and wonder if I really had all the money.

Happy New Year!

I’m celebrating the start of 2019 the right way, with a trip to the rifle range to test a few new loads for accuracy, but during a break in my reloading session yesterday (at the tail end of 2018), I let chaos theory take over. That’s the theory that says you often get unpredictable outcomes from random, seemingly unconnected events.

The unconnected event was the light bulb over our bathroom shower blowing out a couple of days ago. The Boss (SWMBO, or she who must be obeyed) gave me directions to get it taken care of, and that meant a short ride to the lighting store. You’re probably wondering about now if I somehow got electrocuted or if I slipped on the ladder taking the bulb out. Nope, neither one of those things happened. But….

You see, the lighting store is just across the street from our local Harley dealer. You know, the T-shirt guys who also sell motorcycles. I had to stop in to see the new Harleys. I mean, I was right there. No, I didn’t need a new T-shirt. But I was curious. It would be 2019 in a few hours, and I needed to see the latest and the greatest from Milwaukee and Mumbai.

I’ve owned a couple of Harleys in my life. The first was a 1979 Electra-Glide Classic, a two-tone-tan-and-cream-colored full dresser that was beautiful. I called it my optical illusion. It looked like a real motorcycle. The thing was gorgeous, but it couldn’t go a hundred miles without something breaking, and when I finally sold it (also in 1979, after its third top end overhaul), I swore I would never buy another Harley.

Promises are made to be broken, and that led to a 1992 Heritage Softail, which was a great motorcycle. I did some real traveling on that one, as you’ll need from reading Moto Baja. The Softail made it to 53,000 miles before the engine froze up, and that was after I owned it for just over 10 years. I’m real certain about that “just over 10 years” time frame, because when the engine locked up, the Harley dealer wouldn’t touch it. That was because it was “over 10 years” old, and that’s the cutoff for Harley working on a motorcycle. But that was okay…because I put a 96-inch S&S motor in the thing, and that really woke the bike up. Top end went from just under 100 mph to well over 120 mph (the speedo only went to 120, and burying the needle was no problemo with the new motor). The fuel economy went from the low 40-mpg range to about 30 mpg with that new motor, but hey, who’s counting?

But then chaos theory took over again. I was supposed to bring home a carton of milk one day when I was out on my Harley, I forgot, and SWMBO sent me back out to fetch said carton. For whatever reason, I took my KLR 650 on that run, so I had a chance to ride the 96-inch Harley back-to-back with the KLR. You can guess where this story is going. The KLR was faster, it handled better, and best of all, the entire KLR motorcycle had cost less (brand new) out the door than just the S&S had cost for the Harley. Cycle Trader came to the rescue, and two days later, I was happily Harleyless. Chaos Theory. Powerful stuff.

So, back to the main attraction here: My visit to the Harley dealer yesterday, and the 2019 version of the Heritage Softail. $22,787! Yikes! I asked the sales guy, after telling him I was only interested in looking and I was not a buyer, about the engine size. It seems the standard motor is a 107 cubic inch V-twin, and this one had Harley’s optional 114-cubic inch motor. I guess there’s no substitute for cubic inches. My two earlier Harleys had 80 cubic inches. My current motorcycle has 250 cubic centimeters, which is hair over 15 cubic inches, and that has taken me all over the US, up and down Baja a half-dozen times, across China, around the Andes in Colombia, and well, you get the idea. But you never know. There might be a time when another 100 cubic inches would come in handy.

Anyway, take a look at the dealer setup fee on that sticker above. Yikes again! And how about that CARB fee? Folks, I’ve been in the business, and I’ve spent a lot of time seeing bikes through the CARB process at their test facilities in El Monte, California. I know the folks who run the place. There is no such thing as a CARB fee. At least that the CARB people know about.

Moving on, I noticed the Harley Street model. Gresh told me he’d never seen one, and I thought I’d snap a photo of it for him. It’s not a bad looking bike. I like the look and feel of the Street. I don’t know how it rides. The price of the bike is reasonable, too, other than the aforementioned CARB and dealer setup fees.

My guess is Harley is eager to deal on these little bikes. They should just give me one. I’d like to ride the Mumbai Monster. I’d ride it all over and publicize the hell out of it. It would give me license to start wearing Harley T-shirts again, too.

I joked with the sales guy about the prices, and he told me to take a look at the CVO (as in “Custom Vehicle Operations”) number on the bike behind me. Wowzers! $45,522! Good Lord!

So there you have it. A burnt-out light bulb led to a Harley dealer visit and the photos you see above. No, I didn’t buy anything. Not even a T-shirt. But I had fun looking. It was a good way to wrap up 2018.

Happy New Year, folks!

Harley Tanking

This article in Barron’s on Harley’s sales popped up recently. The bottom line is that Harley’s sales are dropping more than predicted, and things are not looking good in Milwaukee. It’s simultaneously interesting and disappointing. I don’t like it when any motorcycle company has bad news, and I’m hoping that Harley gets it turned around. Harley is introducing new, smaller motorcycles, and I think that’s the ticket back. The question is: Can they do it quickly enough?

Harley has a tough row to hoe, having built their business selling overweight, underperforming, uber-expensive bikes to a clientele that is aging out. The smart move would be to acquire a small motorcycle manufacturer or importer with a proven track record and to then build on that success, but hey, what do I know? I know there aren’t too many people left willing to shell out $20K to $40K for chrome, conchos, and leather fringe. I also know that you can’t get inventory fast enough when you’re selling new motorcycles for $2K, or maybe $4K.

We’ll see.

Your thoughts on all of this? Leave us a comment and let us know where you think the market is going, why a great old company like Harley is having such a tough time in a booming ec0nomy, or any other topic.

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Motors

We promised a series on police motorcycles, and this is the first installment. It’s an article that appeared in Rider magazine in January 2010, and the research for it was a lot of fun. Police officers love to tell stories, and I think motor officers have the best ones. With apologies in advance for the fine print, here you go, folks…

I staged one of the photos above to show a couple of San Fernando Valley police officers stopping me on my Triumph Tiger. That was one of the most interesting parts of the research. I interviewed the two SFV officers in the police station and they were regular guys. Joking, telling stories, you know the drill. I was having fun listening to them and trying to capture it all in my notes. One of the officers suggested going outside for more photos, and with that, both of them put on their helmets and sunglasses. The transformation was dramatic. With their helmets off, they were two regular (and different) guys. When the helmets and shades went on, they became RoboCop. They were indistinguishable, all business, no room for nonsense. Serious. Emotionless. No more smoking and joking. The real deal.

We parked the bikes like you see in that photo above, and one of the motor officers asked for my license, registration, and proof of insurance. All the fun and games disappeared. This was a traffic stop, and I was the object of it. Like I said above, it was serious. I knew we were doing this just to get a photo, but the tension was real. I felt like I’d somehow been caught committing a felony. Hell, had I remembered to bring my registration and insurance card with me? I couldn’t remember. I thought it might be in one of my saddlebags and I started to open it. Both officers’ hands instantly went to their sidearms. “Step away from the vehicle, sir!” Damn, this was scary business.

After the above story ran, a series of letters to the editor appeared in the subsequent edition of Rider magazine from several motor officers…

Fun times, to be sure. I really enjoyed doing that story, and before we wrap up this blog, here’s another bit of trivia: I first saw “Motors” in print while recovering from a motorcycle accident (I got busted up pretty good and I had a lot of time to catch up on my reading). The first responder on that one was Jim Royal, a La Verne, California, motor officer. Just a few weeks before my crash I shot photos of Jim for this very story. One had Jim holding a radar gun; it’s the photo you see in the article above.